Feel trapped but where do I stand?

[Cloud9889]

My husband is an amazing Dad however I don’t feel he is the best husband to me a lot of the time. Whenever we argue he throws whatever I say back in my face. I’m not good at confrontation so I often just take it - it’s got to the point where I just don’t usually care/have the energy to argue as he will never back down or admit fault. Anyway like I said he is a great parent to our three children under 6. He has said in the past if ever we were to split (he doesn’t want to but was talking hypothetically) he would fight to get as much custody of the kids as possible. To be honest this is adding to my relationship stress as although I’m not planning on leaving anytime soon I feel trapped as I feel that if we were to split he would get the kids at least 50% of the time and I don’t think I could cope with that as I live for my babies. Has anyone else had this happen? The thing is he is a very good arguer and has a lot of family support plus he is by far the main earner so I feel that he would be able to get quite a bit of custody - we split once and he did some pretty shady pushy things to try and get me to sign over my share of the house so I wouldn’t put it past him using things to get what he wants, I’m not the perfect mum and do loose my shit sometimes at the kids and I wouldn’t be surprised if he used stuff like that against me - I personally would not want to do that to him it’s not my style to bring people down.
Anyway sorry to ramble but it scares me so much that he could have so much of my children if we split it makes me feel like unless I want to loose half my time with kids I need to stay. I just find being married to him really hard at times and at best it’s usually all right as I just get on with it.
He’s just taken my oldest two to football and said he was getting ready (he was lying on the bed not getting ready) I was trying to wrestle them into clothes and commented to him that it would be nice for some help and he just basically said no and made me feel bad for asking to be honest. I was taking to a friend the other day who was stressing at something to her husband and he just apologised and was sorry for what had happened. I very rarely get this - is that normal??! Anyway I need to stop writing and get dressed and tidy up whilst I can but any input much appreciated.

You are in an abusive relationship and he has tried and almost succeeded in grinding you down completely here. What you write here is normal for an abusive relationship.

Re your comment:-
"Anyway like I said he is a great parent to our three children under 6. He has said in the past if ever we were to split (he doesn’t want to but was talking hypothetically) he would fight to get as much custody of the kids as possible. To be honest this is adding to my relationship stress as although I’m not planning on leaving anytime soon I feel trapped as I feel that if we were to split he would get the kids at least 50% of the time and I don’t think I could cope with that as I live for my babies".

You are not trapped because there is always a way out; he just wants you to think that again you are trapped and cornered.

Do you really think that he would actually want the children a supposed 50% of the time given his behaviour too when you were asking for his help in dressing them?. He is acting as a Disney Dad here to them only when it suits him (like taking them to football for instance to show the other parents he is a caring sharing dad).

How is he a great parent to his children exactly?. That is you trying and failing to put a gloss on things. When you asked for his help in dressing them he said no and made you feel bad for asking. He is NOT a good parent and he is certainly not a good husband to you either. He uses the children as a threat against you because he knows this is your achilles heel. Its his style to bring people i.e. you down with him into his pit.

Seek legal advice asap and use that rather than your own wrong suppositions on how much time he would want and or receive with his children. Knowledge too here is power. I would also suggest you contact Womens Aid and your local domestic violence organisation and the Rights of Women because both can and will help you here. No man is above the law here, not even your power crazed husband who is conducting his own private based war against you.