Is he controlling?

[user2348]

Hello,
Think there's great advice on this forum - so thought I'd share my current experience and ask for opinions.
My last boyfriend never made me feel special/didn't give me hardly any attention - so it's confusing me, as this is the opposite extreme.
I met a guy on holiday two weeks ago. He was full on from the word go, being overly-attentive, and apparently incredibly into me. But he's fun and kind and it was refreshing to find a man who knows what he wants. However, I felt it was quite overbearing and told him to back off several times - we had a few arguments about this, and he said he's just being himself and thinks I'm 'amazing.
Got home and he starts calling me every day, texting wanting to know I'm home ok, wanting to see me - so I arrange a date and say let's just see how it goes now we are at home. We went on a nice date, and then he stayed for two days - I was going to meet a friend the next night but he said he'd just wait for me to come home and I should enjoy myself.
Since he left he's been sending messages (albeit maybe drunken as he was on a night out) saying he thinks I'm the "ONE" and I give him hope and he's got very strong feelings and he loves me.
I am feeling a bit scared. He's a policeman - so I don't think he's crazy, but I am feeling he's needy and wants more from me than I can give at this stage. He's saying he'll give me everything.
I feel I should end it now as these are red flags for me having had a v controlling boyfriend about 10 years ago. Or can this ever be normal?! I do not believe he can love me after this time. But now I'm scared to end it as I feel he already emotionally depends on me in some way. I can't seem to find a balance with a normal guy who's attentive but lets it grow naturally...or should I give him benefit of doubt as he's super attentive and at the same time obviously makes me feel special. My gut when I saw the message saying he loves me made me want to run though...particularly when I've said so many times to go slower.

I'd worry about what he had installed at my house whilst i was away.

You need to do the Freedom Programme, and never let men into your house until you actually know them.

What could he have installed? It did cross my mind...as he's a policeman in surveillance too I wonder what he has up his sleeve. But surely if he's a policeman he can't become a stalker - against the rules!

"But surely if he's a policeman he can't become a stalker - against the rules!"

Blimey, what a lot of old rubbish you've told yourself there. Abusers do not walk around with abuser written on their forehead, they look for people to target. You were targeted and deliberately so by this individual. This is yet another controlling individual that has attached himself to you leech like and now you're going to have to again extricate yourself completely from him.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?. This is the second controlling relationship you have had to date and your boundaries and relationship template are well warped/almost non existent.

You need to enrol yourself onto Womens Aid Freedom Programme urgently and do this in person.

Put his stuff on the doorstep for collection, you do not owe this person anything let alone a relationship here.

To be fair I have spotted the signs early - it's been two weeks and it's only in the last day it's gone like this really with the messages declaring love, etc. I had an inkling earlier but I was on holiday so he was there all the time - and I just thought super keen. All his friends and my friend with me thought him a nice guy.
I know I don't owe him anything.
I don't have much to extricate having only known him for two weeks - and am glad I have a good red flag detector.

The last guy took six months to show his colours - and I left two months later. Unfortunately that time I was already in love with him. I think that experience has flagged controlling men to me - thank goodness.

What stuff has he left in your place after a mere two weeks?.

Please enrol yourself onto the Freedom Programme; you remain a very attractive target for abusive men to get their claws into.

You need to detect this before you let a man into your house all day whilst you are out.

freedomprogramme.co.uk/

Aaaghh...yes, extricate with as much distance as possible. Keep him away. Box up his stuff ready to go. Make it clear you aren’t interested in a relationship with him and you want no further contact and record that statement in writing via text or email...just so you can evidence it should you need to.

Sorry you have encountered this.

Definitely love bombing. Run for your life!

Box up his stuff, write a note and stick it onto the box with a request that he does not contact or approach you again. Tell him you will log a complaint if he comes near you.
Drop it to where he works. Text him that you do not wish for him to contact you again.

If he contacts you again. Ring the police. Log it with them that you are being harrassed by a police officer.

Definitely love bombing. Don't fall for it.