I’ve posted before about my marriage, and I took everyone’s advice and rang WA. They were wonderfully helpful and also confirmed what people had said to me on mumsnet. When I first asked for help I genuinely thought everyone would say I was being over sensitive and to get over myself.
It really shocked me when people said my husband was being emotionally abusive. The two people I’ve spoken to at women’s aid also said the same and suggested he may have narcissistic traits.
I read into this and was shocked to see that this would seem to be the case. If you met my husband you’d think he was wonderful, interesting, funny and charismatic.
I have found it shocking to think that he really is being abusive at times. If I told anyone we know they would not believe me and would think I was being over sensitive or a nag/controlling. At the moment I’m not able to think about leaving.
I hope you don’t mind me posting in light of this, I’m just in need of some support/hand holding, I feel quite isolated. He’s been working at home more lately and really watches when I’m feeding our daughter. She has always had trouble sleeping and doesn’t eat that well. Our GP and HV are more than happy with her and have told me to tell my husband to relax.
Our daughter wouldn’t go to sleep tonight, which is really difficult but just one of those things. She is quite wild and runs about and is very hard to manage. He has just had a big rant at me about how my job is to make sure she eats and sleeps and I’m not doing that. I think she picks up on his anxiety and obsession. He lectures me like I work for him and jabs his finger. She’s not a great eater but I’ve been told there is nothing to worry about. My husband gets so worked up about it. I was really pleased that she ate some meat today and he’s fuming as I gave up to soon and didn’t make her eat all of it before giving a pudding.
At one point tonight he was rocking her to sleep while I had my dinner in the kitchen. I could see him through the glass door standing there so thought he was waiting for me to open the stair gate and door as she had fallen asleep, when I did this she started calling Mummy, my husband was angry and said I had woken her up. But I thought if I didn’t open the door he would be mad as he wouldn’t be able to take her upstairs asleep, I then went outside to get my washing and he was banging in the window motioning me to come back in. He said as I had woken her up I was to taken her upstairs and get her to sleep,
I’m following the advice the health professionals have given but he says I’m lying and it’s rubbish what I’m saying. I tried to say that his anxiety is being picked up on by all of us but he just says no it’s your anxiety we are all picking up on. He looks so angry and says I’m being ridiculous,
Our daughter’s nap time is changing and sometimes she doesn’t have one. He feels this is my fault and that if he feeds her at the weekends eats more and has a nap on time, the truth is we are all more relaxed when he works away.
I told him this and he said I was a bitch. I know I keep posting here but I am very isolated in real life and can’t tell anyone. I’m always willing to hear I’m in the wrong, I spend hours up in the night with our child making sure he can sleep. I hide leftover food in the bin so it looks like she has eaten more.
My emotions have become numb and I can’t feel anything, I can’t help feeling he is spoiling everything. Thanks and sorry.
Ps I accidentally posted this in AIBU so have added it here too.