Partner, step parent - when or what qualifies a person to be called your partner or your childrens step parent?

[OldAndWornOut]

I'm just wondering, really.
I had some very long relationships, but never lived with anyone, so they were never referred to as my child's step parents.

I think the word 'partner' to describe any, of however many months/years, unmarried relationship is really very derogatory towards women/men and should not be used under any circumstances. Just my opinion.

What would you use instead ? Curious ...

Sometimes the term partner is thrown about willy nilly, actually throw in the father and husband descriptions. The number of women who describe a man as a partner and father when he is anything but astounds me. Whether that be within a marriage or not.

In a partnership you both act as a couple and agree significant elements mutually following open discussions. A couple can be partners and have separate finances or home because that is what they both decide is best for them as a couple. Living in the same house and having no say over where that is, how it is paid for is not a partnership. It is a live in arrangement.

The same with parenthood. To be parent and step parent you need to do more than live in the same house. A parent, step or otherwise, provides an equal and father contribution to the emotional and financial wellbeing of the child. The relationship must be mutual as well. Otherwise you are mummy’s partner, boyfriend or husband.

Partner.

Actually definition: member of an established relationship
(My personal definition of “established” would mean shared commitments such as property or children).

MN definition: bloke you’ve been seeing for 6 weeks and you’re now the primary babysitter for his children, and main point of contact with all his “psycho” exes.

I started referring to dh as my dcs stepdad once he lived with us (we married after we'd lived together for a few years)
I also made sure that the dc were happy with this title!

Technically when married but to me living together full time is sufficient. They are helping to raise the children therefore qualify as more than just Mum’s boyfriend.

I know a person legally becomes a step parent on marriage but in reality I think you're a step parent once you live with the parent and regularly start taking on parental duties. A long-term partner who helps with school runs and laundry and meal prep is much more a step parent than a woman who marries a man with adult DC who no longer live at home.

It’s an interesting one - but I think the title is given by the children, not the grown ups.

There is little more grim than telling children they have a new parent. The child has their own feelings about it. They decide, not the grown ups.

They are their DH or DW.

I think the title Step mum or dad needs to be earned.

If they develop a sincere relationship with the child and stick around for more than a few months or years, then the child might want to call them step dad/mum