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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How can I get my (ex)partner to leave?!

8 replies

nonamemummy · 22/06/2019 07:24

I don’t really know where to start with all this, but the point is... I don’t want my (ex)partner living with us anymore.

We are in social housing as we are youngish (21 and 26) with 2 young. For lots of reasons, I don’t want him living here anymore. The relationship broke down years ago.

But he won’t leave!

He doesn’t have anywhere to go. He can’t do anything for himself and doesn’t earn enough to rent a place for himself.

I’m just so unhappy and don’t know what to do. I just can’t put up with him being here anymore but he just makes it so difficult and won’t go anywhere. He doesn’t have friends to stay with either. Btw the flat we are in is in my name.

What can I do? Sad

OP posts:
HennyPennyHorror · 22/06/2019 07:34

Ok flat's in your name....you've got the law on your side.

Get the kids out of the house and call the police.

That's literally all you can do APART from plan B which is....call a locksmith when he's out.

Change the locks, put his things outside.

When he comes back, make sure kids aren't home.

If he kicks off call the police.

Him not having anywhere to go is not your problem.

Original poster
nonamemummy · 22/06/2019 08:08

I was thinking of just calling the police as yesterday he smashed my car up and threw my phone out the car window onto the pavement outside!

I’d have to find his 2 sets of keys!
I just know he would come back and wouldn’t leave, he’d just sit outside all night!

OP posts:
Seniorschoolmum · 22/06/2019 08:12

if he sits outside, that’s harassment. Call the police. Keep calling them until he gets the idea or breaches a court order.

Can you ask your dad or a friend to change the locks for you.?

honeygirlz · 22/06/2019 13:12

Call the police, report the car smashing and phone throwing.

Call a locksmith (when he's out) and change the locks. Fuck his two sets of keys, make them useless!

Find your anger and strength!

Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge · 22/06/2019 13:14

Get tough op. Your mh and dc are depending on it.
By the sounds of it you aren't safe.
Ring the police. It's their job to help you!
He isn't your responsibility so don't feel any guilt. Your dc are living in this mess and you fail them by doing nothing about it.

FuriousVexation · 22/06/2019 13:28

If he hasn't got friends to stay with, that's his lookout. If he treats his friends the same way he treats you, it's hardly surprising! He can apply to the LHA for emergency accommodation. They'll find him something.

Do you have a friend or family member who can help you change the locks? This will ultimately be easier and safer than trying to get his keys off him. It's really easy to do - you can have a look on YouTube. The replacement lock and keys for my door was £30 and it took less than 10 mins to replace. An electric drill with screwdriver attachment would be really helpful, but a bog standard Phillips screwdriver will do the trick.

If he comes round kicking off then you call the police, every time.

If he texts/calls you saying he's going to kill himself, call the police, every time. (This is official advice by the Samaritans and the Police, not just me being a bitch! They are best placed to deal with it, and if it's a genuine cry for help then they can get him the help he needs - which isn't you.)

If he caused criminal damage to your car yesterday then consider reporting that to the police on the non emergency number. Having a paper trail of his abuse might well be helpful in the future.

I suspect he targeted you in your teens and bowled you over with his image of being mature and sophisticated, and love-bombed you. What do your family and friends think of him? (If he has not isolated you from them all.) If some of them have expressed dislike in the past and you've broken off with them, don't be proud. Reach out. "I'm sorry I wasn't ready to hear when you tried to warn me about WankStain. I now realise he is deeply abusive and I am trying to get free of him. I really miss our friendship and in all basic honesty I could use some friends right now! I understand if you have moved on but I have missed you and I would really value your friendship right now. Hope you and [xx] are doing well xx"

If I got that message off a former friend, I'd be there asap.

Cherrysoup · 22/06/2019 13:45

Call the cops, they can take his keys off him. Report him for smashing your phone, that’s criminal damage.

crappyday2018 · 22/06/2019 14:27

Dont feel sorry for the fact he has nowhere to go. He sounds like a horrible man so you need to get rid of him.
Can you wait until he's out and get the locks changed? Then you can pack up his stuff and have it ready for him but don't let him back in the house.
If he does refuse to leave or hang around outside just ring the police.

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