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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I let her know that he is abusive?

6 replies

southweather111 · 21/06/2019 21:17

So I luckily found out this guy I dated years ago is a woman beater and very emotionally abusive. He is still on my Facebook and have seen him in 5-6 new relationships within the last 6 months he love bombs them at first holidays gifts etc then deletes the posts until the next girl he finds. He is very wealthy and comes across as such a sweet person so I can see how these women are drawn in.

A little back story...
I was out on a date with him (we only had 3 dates) and I sent a picture of him to my friend who luckily was with her cousin at the time who was really shocked to recognise him and she called me and told me to go outside so she could talk to me. Turns out they were together a year or so before and he used to hit her, was controlling abusive and he had a drug problem. I went back inside and asked if he knew a girl with her name and that she was my friends cousin and he grabbed my wrist tight and said whatever she said to you it’s all lies she is the abusive one don’t listen to anything she says (I hadn’t mentioned anything she said to me) I snatched my wrist back and said that will be the first and last time you ever put your hands on me and walked out.

He then ended up with a girl who I know from works friend (yes he gets around) I told her what I knew about him but not sure if she ever told her friend or not. He proposed to her after a month completely love bombed her with a new car, gifts, holidays etc then he apparently started taking drugs turned crazy on her and she had to go to a&e and have stitches in her finger as he tried to bite the engagement ring off her finger.

No idea why he’s still on my Facebook didn’t even realise he was on there until earlier this year as I don’t use it but I’ve seen he’s been dating a woman with 2 children for the last few months he’s love bombing her paid for her to have her teeth done, expensive holidays, gifts etc her Facebook is open as looks like she sell juice plus or another networking scheme and she is posting saying how in love she is and how lucky she is etc. I don’t know her but I feel like I should warn her but I doubt she would believe me? What should I do? Would you message her? I don’t want her to think I’m just some crazy person who dated him messaging her as he will obviously deny everything?!

OP posts:
Shireena · 21/06/2019 21:42

I wondered about this kind of thing with my ex, as he has a history of anger issues. However I know another gf tried to tell his current gf and she chose to ignore everything as was besotted with him. I guess I think women always think they'll be the one to change a man so if you did contact her, she will probably ignore you. You could send something anonymously but not sure how you'd do it.

Queenoftheashes · 21/06/2019 21:45

Ugh ffs people like this should be banned from dating. Surely police know he’s a risk to women? Regarding warning her, she probably won’t want to know but I guess it’ll give her something to think about and you’ll have at least tried.

Incrediblysadtoo · 21/06/2019 21:45

I would tell her - face to face.

southweather111 · 21/06/2019 22:04

It’s none of my business really just that’s it’s been playing on my mind as she has two children and I felt lucky that I was warned about him. Who knows maybe he’s been to therapy and changed (although I don’t think people like this change). I probably won’t message her as doubt she will believe me just wanted to see other people’s opinions on this.

OP posts:
Justbreathing · 21/06/2019 22:24

Well what can you lose.
Tbh she’ll ignore you, but perhaps the first time he does something alarm bells will ring and she’ll get out. and not the 56th time, because all she has is the memories of the love bombing

AllHopeAndNoResults · 22/06/2019 00:52

I think the fact she has children, for sure you have to tell her, whether she believes you or not that’s up to her but at least you tried.

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