Hi first time post looking for help and advice
My wife recently told me that she wants to separate after over 20 years
I am devastated beyond belief and I now don’t see a future
We were married after only a short period and had our first child exactly 9 months to our wedding day (I know conceiving on a wedding night) my wife had a previous child from a previous relationship but this did not bother me he was 2 and half when we got married
The first year was really difficult for me as I went from being a lad about town to being married living with someone and expecting a child with another child already in the relationship
I did not handle it well at all I know that I was struggling with sex and making my wife feel wanted as soon as she got pregnant and it took a toll
When my son was born I thought things would get better but I didn’t count on how having 2 children would affect me and I think I just tried to pretend I was still single ( I never cheated on my wife)by this I mean I was out with the lads and when I was in I wouldn’t pay much interest in my wife or the children this went on until my wife moved away
At the time I decided to stay and work eventually we got back together and things were ok for a while and we got along
I know I wasn’t a good husband and I didn’t show enough attention to my wife we had totally different upbringings and I now realize this effected my relationship with her
Without going in to much detail I came from a single parent family and suffered abuse when I was younger spent time in foster homes and care homes but eventually ended back at home until I left when I was 17 to work and move away
My wife came from a family background with a mum and dad and no such problems
I know that when she moved out she was involved in a very abusive relationship with someone but I struggled to let her tell me about it as it Made me so upset to think that someone could do that to the person I love more than anything
Sorry for rambling but I want to give as much info as possible so that reply’s can help
We have had another 3 children and now we are living in a different country and my wife has a successful job and a high powered one she told me at Xmas that things were not good and I just tried to gloss over it since then she has told me she no longer wants to be intimate with me and wants to separate she has said that she has already come to terms with it and that on the countless times we have talked says that she is not the same person she was when we got married and that people change
I am struggling to cope because I love her more than anything but I also want her to be happy and I honestly don’t think I could imagine my life without her
We have been in a different country for nearly a year and it has been a massive eye opener for me effectively doing what my wife was doing for the last 20 years I think it has made me love her even more because I know how difficult it is looking after children
I don’t want to separate and I would be even willing to not have sex again if it meant we can stay together
I think that my wife has now moved on mentally and is in a different place and I am worried if I say this that it might makes thing worse and that I am basically saying I give up
My wife says that she has just lost her sex drive and that she just doesn’t think about sex at all and she sees our relationship as more of a brother and sister relationship
I have looked in to this and it says that stress and other things can contribute to this and I know my wife has a stressful job
I know that I am probably paying for me not paying her attention and not doing things together in the early stages of our marriage but I never thought for one minute that we would not be together
Any advice would be much appreciated