29 and single but want to start a family.

[downsouth20]

I’ve recently turned 29 and really starting to worry about meeting ‘the one’ in time to have a family. I don’t often meet people I find attractive even through OLD I don’t know if I’m just really fussy or if my ideal person just doesn’t exist 🤷🏻‍♀️

I really don’t enjoy going to bars at weekends anymore or partying and l’m longing to meet someone so I can start the next phase of my life and become a mum one day. I’ve never worried about this before as I’ve always felt like I’d meet the one when it was supposed to happen but I think as I’m approaching 30 and really don’t want to be a ‘older’ mum I feel like the next few years are so important in my life with how my life turns out and it’s making me feel so much pressure.

I don’t have a huge group of friends as I’m more of an introvert (but very confident) and I prefer being around people one on one or in a small group otherwise I find it draining so I’m really missing being in a relationship. I love being in a relationship and just want that special person to do fun things with on the weekends etc and holidays. Most of my friends still go on party holidays and tbh I couldn’t think of anything worse.

Is it normal to feel like this at my age?

Just wondered what age others were when they settled down to start a family?

I could have written this OP. I feel exactly the same. I think you have to try and find examples of people who did it later on in life rather than compare yourself to those who already have a family. Sorry that’s not much help but I do know how you feel.

Don't give up yet! I met my (now) DH when I'd just turned 30.

I'd become more focused by then. I didn't waste my time on anyone who thought marriage was just a piece of paper or who wasn't sure if they wanted DC.

I'd say to widen your 'type'. DH is not the type I used to go for but is actually perfect for me!!

Honestly OP- I was you! Although I’m actually 26 I always wanted to be settled, committed and have a family.
Never really drank or gone ‘out’ I’m just not the type.

I loathed online dated, really struggled with it and would have no issues meeting a ton of guys I wasn’t interested in. Even tried to carry on in relationships with guys who ‘ticked all the boxes’ but there was no spark with just because I didn’t want to have to start all over again!

Anyway, two years ago I was so fed up I almost gave up. The ‘last’ date I was going on was with a shy and reserved young Dr. He seemed nice but I did not have high hopes 🙄 but I went along anyway.

He’s now my DH and we’re TTC DC1.

He wasn’t ‘flashy’ or ‘confident’ in the way I would usually be attracted to. But I just stuck with it and got to know the most incredible person 😊 I married the love of my life and whilst I used to role my eyes at people who said ‘you just have to keep looking’ it is true!

Although I mean you don’t need a DH to have a DC so you could consider having a baby alone? X

spiceup what made you go? Did you feel a spark from the first date or was it a slow start? I go for flashy men and it never ends well

sorry to hijack the posts OP...

I was 37 when I had my first & only child. Please don't rush or you may find yourself in a relationship that's not perfect. There's lots of time yet.

Same age, same problem. Totally not alone in your feelings.

I spent 7 years with my ex we lived together bought a flat etc but when it came down to it I knew we had to split - I never wanted marriage with him and babies weren’t on my radar at all.
So almost 30 I was single and terrified that wasn’t my life plan - all my friends were married with kids.
I met someone quite quickly but dismissed it as rebound as he was just lovely to be with and I thought it was maybe a fling - he wasn’t like me ex, no fireworks , just peaceful ..
Anyway from nowhere I was head over heels and got hit by the - when you know you know feeling - nothing was rushed but we got married and I have two DC -
I was 39 and 41 when we had them . Count my Blessings constantly - I know I am
Lucky but I share the story mainly to say keep the faith .
Being an Older mum maybe isn’t what you hoped for but for me I could have had kids with the Ex but I am so glad I didn’t - I ended up in a much better place .
I have several friends who met their DCs father some years older than you are now.

Sorry to hear others also feel the same :( Rubbish isn’t it! But it’s nice to know I’m not alone.

I think it’s at this age I imagined myself to be married with a family by now but that obviously isn’t the case. I think I have this idea in my head about what my future husband will look like do for a living etc that I’m not really giving anyone a chance unless they come close to that 🙈! I wasted 5 years in a really unhealthy relationship and haven’t been interested in dating since really it’s only after my 29th birthday I started to think 1. How did I get to 29 so quick 😂🙈 2. Time really isn’t on my side now to find a partner and start a family.

If I got to my mid 30’s and was still single then I would 100% have a baby alone but I don’t just want a baby I want a family and I want any children that I have to have a father.

Let’s hope we are all on here in a few years complaining about our DH snoring problem😂 x

I met my husband when I was 29. Now I'm 35 and we have 2 dc.
I was single for 3 years and felt the exact same way you did. I'd just given up on OLD and went to a club ( incidentally we both hated clubbing but had been dragged with friends) and the rest is history.
Not many people never meet anyone to settle down with. But if you don't - there are loads of options x

Your only 29!!! You have 10 more years or so! Dont panic! Xx

Op I didn't get hitched til I was 37. We had dc when I was 39 and 42.
Enjoy your life- keep doing stuff you love doing. You are so young and don't obsess with babies. It will happen

DownSouth, I could have written your post - especially the part about being willing to have a child alone (if it comes to that) but really wanting a husband and a family. I’m very depressed about it.

Hey OP,
It's hard to meet people, I found meeting guys in clubs etc didn't work for me so when I was 3 months from turning 30 on a Sunday night, bored, I joined March. Three days later I went on a date with a guy. We then saw each other for 14days In a row (lived 2 mins from each other)
He asked me to be his gf, obviously I said yes!
Anyway, 2.5yrs later we have 2 DC are getting married next July and I swear if someone told me that I'd be where I am 2.5 yrs ago I would've laughed in their face and gone to hug my cat!

Point is, you never know what's round the corner but you also have to do things to help yourself meet someone :)

Some people may say we've rushed things, but we both had long term relationships before and it really is true that when you know....you know!

Try to stay positive OP, you will meet someone and being fussy means that hopefully they'll be the right one for you and not some twat !

*match!!

I'm 27 and in the process of splitting (amicably but still sadly) from my husband. I know I am going to need to be alone for a while and I'm terrified of never having a family, but I know I shouldn't stay for that reason alone, despite how much easier it would be. So, you're a little further down the line than me but know you're not alone. The stories people are sharing here are comforting. Xx

I think you need to be strategic and make a very clear plan for the next few years.

I'm almost 40 and I have quite a few friends who are still single and who want to have a family. Some have accepted its too late. One has met a man and is now desperately ttc naturally (and I worry for her as she is 43). Some are still looking hopefully. A couple who have met partners recently may be quietly ttc or even having fertility treatment.

But unfortunately time flies by. Being 29 feels like just a couple of years ago. I met my dh in my early 20s and then we had our dc in my early 30s. And even then it felt a little rushed! So I don't think there is such a thing a a perfect time.

I would research and read books and be strategic. It's numbers game. I never did OLD (before my time) but some friends did and some had success. But also don't forgot the old fashioned way, meeting friends through friends. Asking your friends if they know anyone who is single and would be interested in meeting you etc.

Oh and I do have one friend who had ivf as a single mother at 38 and she is doing ok too!

Ah you are young !
I have patients who have their first child at 38.
I bet you'll meet someone before you're 34 and have a baba before 38 :)
Just keep being you !
I'm in the same boat I'm 27 and want my bf to propose but know were too young lol

The Hinge app is good, give it a look. I do think you have to start being more pragmatic too.

Like you, I'm not one for going out out. I don't drink!!

I met my fiancé 2.5 years ago (I'm 28), I found him on tinder! He is the most wonderful man in the world, but he was one in what felt like 100,000! You just have to keep looking. We are getting married in a few weeks and expecting our first baby next year ❤️ there is hope for you!!