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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Needy MIL

5 replies

Jesse70 · 21/06/2019 15:16

Ok so let me start by saying 90% of the time I do like my MIL
But after a visit I'm really needing to vent !
I can't vent to my husband as I don't think it's fair also I can't rant to my family as they would probably say something.
I know people have bigger problems in the world but she really gets to me sometimes.
Now my husband loves his mum there's no issue with him not wanting to spend time with her etc we visit when we can but we live far away we always video call etc
The reason we live far away is due to his work but she tells him everytime we talk she wants him and her grandson closer and we would like that too but it's just not possible at the moment.
She makes him feel really guilty which gets on my nerves as she knows it's not helpful.
She constantly gives me parenting advice and makes out like her children were all perfect what she doesn't seem to realise is if she told me about when she maybe had the same kind of issues I have had and how he dealt with them maybe I wouldn't dismiss her comments so quickly. But no her kids all slept thru the night from 6 weeks and never had any issues never broke anything or misbehaved and she did it all on her own because her husband worked away!
She even makes remarks about her other DIL to me so I straight away assume she does the same to her and it's really nasty stuff she says
Anyway nothing is ever good enough for her and it's not that I care what she thinks as she isn't going anywhere and if I want to be with her son then I just have to deal with it but why are MIL like this ?

OP posts:
PhannyPharts · 21/06/2019 15:45

Well, they aren't all like this. Your one happens to be though.

Negotiating life and other people's families is tricky. She annoys you, but perhaps evaluate what actual harm is she doing? Nothing really, just getting on your nerves. I'd take a deep breath, nod politely and get on with my day.

Jesse70 · 21/06/2019 16:45

I do try it's just nice to be able to vent Evey so often without offending anyone

OP posts:
SavingSpaces2019 · 21/06/2019 20:14

Tell her no child is that perfect - i bet even Jesus had his moments!
Then tell her that manipulations won't work.
She's basically telling you that you are the reason she can't have 'her boys' with her because "look at me, i did it and plenty of other mums do it so you're deliberately making excuses/are not really a good mum or partner".
Also tell her you don't want to hear her shit-talking your sil.

I don't know how you get on with her 'most of the time' because she sounds manipulative, sly and two faced.

BlueMerchant · 21/06/2019 20:21

All boils down to jealousy. You have taken her DS away and she feels better by putting you down and pretending she had all the answers. This makes her feel she has 'one up' on you.Be glad you don't live closer.

Thatnameistaken · 21/06/2019 20:52

I wouldn't be in a hurry to move closer to her, you think it's bad now?...

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