How to word this text? Help me have boundaries

[reddoor9]

Hi,

My brother and father invited me on a holiday this summer. Money was tight so I told them my budget was £400. The holiday they wanted to do well exceeded this budget - well over £1000 before we had even arrived so I told them I couldn't go. This culminated in them both putting pressure on me to come and eventually my father said I could pay £400, send back his gifted Christmas money and he would pay for any other costs for me. I ended up agreeing as I didn't know if I would ever get to go on this holiday again with them as my father has a very possessive girlfriend and this was only booked during a brief split with them. This has meant I will not be able to go holiday with my partner this year, though we do have a few weekends away planned.

The holiday is now imminent. A couple of months ago I transferred to my dad the £400 plus the Christmas money. However, now I feel very uncomfortable in that I will have no money to buy food while out there and I don't think my father realises this, as he asked me if I was planning to get out some Euros. I regret transferring the full amount to him before and not keeping some back but I thought it best to transfer what I told him I would. I know I'm going to feel uncomfortable not putting my hand in my pocket at all during the holiday. However, I think my father and brother are excepting me to pay for myself in relation to everything while out there for a week.

How do I text him to say I'm not financially able to do this and remind them of my budget that I set when this was initially booked? I struggle with boundaries and don't want to come across aggressive or like I am taking the piss as a freeloader as I am sure he has already covered hundreds on my behalf in terms of prebooked trips and accommodation, as well as travel.
Thanks

If they are big drinkers - go teetotal for the week to avoid getting stung for a heavy bar bill.

Because he told her he would. Did he? Because I don't think that's clear. And it doesn't sound as though that's what he thinks he's agreed to either.

If I offered to pay for someone's holiday, I wouldn't assume that I also had to pay for their food, drinks and spending money as well. In the same way that I wouldn't think I had to buy their suncream, their taxi to the airport, their duty free or the book they are going to read on the beach.

Its a big leap to assume that helping out with paying for the holiday also includes food and spending money. Food and drink needs to be bought whether OP is in the UK or abroad, so she must have a budget to feed herself that week.

She told him she could afford £400 in total, including food. He told her to send the £400, plus her Xmas money, and that he would cover any other costs.

You need to be very straight with him:

"Dad I told you and DBro back when this was being discussed in January that £400 for everything including spends was all I could afford and I've sent that money over already
You said that you would pay for the rest and thats why I agreed to come as genuinely I have no cash left for anything else.
Is that still ok ? If its not I need to bail out."

I'd be a bit annoyed about him putting you in this position when you were very clear about your finances.

Yes I would have to buy my food during the week but I’d be shopping at Aldi and spending around £50 for the week! I don’t have much more than that for the holiday. It’s not self-catered so would mean lunches and dinners in restaurants every day for 7 days. The £50 isn’t going to stretch much further than a day. My father’s exact words were “You still to your £400 budget, I will make up anything over and above”.

You know you can't go on holiday with no spending money. It would be beyond shit. Tell your dad to transfer the money back as you need to live within your means and going on a holiday you can't afford will put you behind with bills and other necessities. If he offers to pay for your costs again, decline.

*stick to your budget

What kind of booking is it? Will it cost them more if you pull out? It seems crazy that you are spending every penny you have on a holiday.

I don’t know how your relationship is, if it were my dad though and he was very eager for me to go on this holiday I’d be doing so as his guest, a guest that’s also his child. He’d be covering all expenses and we’d have a wonderful family holiday.

How old are you op?

There is clearly some confusion. I have no comprehension how you thought you'd go on a holiday and get one for four hundred pounds, inc travel, accommodation and a weeks worth of restaurant meals.

I think you need to explain to your father and brother you have fifty pounds spending money for the week and that you were unable to save. Clearly they are not aware just how skint you are and have only approx 7 a day to feed and hydrate yourself.

And you need to do it soon. You're an adult. Personally I'd ask if I can borrow money and pay them it back, or alternivaly not mention it and put it on credit card and pay that back,