Dh wants us to go in "relate"...

[quiveutmabonnebaguette]

Does it work ? You may find my story boring so I'm going to try to keep it short. DH have been together for almost 5 years and married 1 year. We have 2 dds, 1 is 3yo and dd2 is 3 months old. We are arguing almost everyday, and there are few main topics :1) Money and the way he manages it
2) The fact that we are going to France in 2 weeks time and he knew I was reluctant to go but as our childminder asked us to rent it for her daughter's wedding, DH jumped on the bargain and he makes even a double bargain by going to France to my parents place as everything is going to be pretty much free. 3) The fact he doesnt really pay attention to my lovely DD2, sometimes it's like she's invisible..when we had first dd1, he was not like this, he was more interested. I'm not happy at the moment, he really pisses me off...I probably guess it's because I'm all hormonal but it cant be all down to me if we are having problems...and FUCKING HELL yes we are having problems so shouldnt we try to sort it out our problems here instead of going to France for 2 weeks in my parents place ??

Just a thought here, do you think that there is something that is seriously wrong with your relationship, or is it simply that you're both under a hell of a lot of pressure looking after a 3 month old and a 3 year old who sounds like reasonably hard work?

People I know who've had a second kid really do seem to find it hard work making their relationship work, and it often seems the husband ends up dealing with the older one (maybe because, I guess, the younger one needs more hands-on attention from mum like feeding which the father can't always give) so I don't imagine you're alone.

As an aside, one of my friends recently took a call from his wife whilst I was with him - she was sobbing because they couldn't get their 3 year old into school any sooner than September and she's driving her up the wall -example call to her parents "Please come and take the little cow before I kill her!" (and she's a great mum by the way) So you're definitely not alone in struggling with a 3 year old (and she doesn't even have a 3 month old to contend with!)

I hadn't taken in the age of the children - for your dh not to be as interested i dd2 really is par for the course - many men just don't slip into the baby phase again that easiliy especially when they have a communicative older one around. It doesn't mean that he is a bad father nor that they will ever have a good relationship. And ultimatley his relationship with his children is not your responsibility.

That said it is important that you get some time for you in the midst of all of this. But I think that you need to be specific about this. you may find a request that dh takes both dds for say 15 mintues inthe evening so that you can do something for you more readily accepted than suggesting that he isn't interacting with dd2 appropriately.

The more I read, the more certain that I become that Relate would be a positive option - if nothing else you will get to spend an hour just talking to dh without your children.

yes it works - DH and I were on the verge of spliiting up and he eventually agreed to go to Relate. Ideally we would have gone for more sessions but the money got eaten up on things for the baby. HOWEVER, even that one session was fantastic for us both opening up about past and present issues and how we felt about them. It was like laying all our cards down on the table for each other to see. Our relationship is now progressing steadily (and very slowly lol) back to 'husband and wife' (currently at the good friends with the occasional kiss and cuddle ) we'd probably be getting there quicker if we'd gone back for more sessions but we both agree that the initial session was like an "icebreaker" to set us back on the right track.

Thank you once again to answer my thread, you make me feel really better..DH and I we love each other...it's just so hard at the moment, and I'm not a forgiving person, he feels always on the defensive with me...and yes my dd1 is driving me crazy, I want something out of my life, I'm so confused and it's like I'm in permanent PMT..I dont know how to explain, I'm always anxious.