Any children of gamblers about?

[TemporaryPermanent]

I'm thinking about my dad and his relationship with money. He wasn't actually a gambler as such but I am starting to wonder whether it's a similar situation.

He was never a consistent earner but always a big spender, never on himself but on stuff to try and impress my mum. He is a complete mark, conmen seem to spot him a mile off and when I was 16 one of his business deals went tits up, he went bankrupt and we lost our house. A couple of years after thst he was involved in another and ended up being questioned by the police. For years now he has been involved in a classic send-us-money scam which he still believes is real, and he's so persuasive that people still give him money to 'invest'. All through my 20s I gave him money every month because it was less painful that having him ask suddenly for big amounts because of bills. It's really hard to say no to him, I've only ever managed it when I'm married and have an h saying 'hell no'. I think there is part of him that almost enjoys the adrenaline of sending off the money into the void and the excitement of waiting for the big win.

I'm still not sure what effect it's had on me. And I don't know if it's really like gambling. if anyone feels able to share advice, id love to hear it.

bump

Not me but wanted to reply.

I don't know if there is a specific group for children of gamblers (or whatever he is..) but Al-anon and ACA conclusively address being close to, or a child of, an addict. Some good resources there for you and I think you'll recognise a lot xx

Has no-one answered all day! I'm surprised tbh, I would have thought there are many who have experienced this op

My dad was a big gambler, but always paid the bills first. My mum was a sahm so let him sort all the money and as long as we all had new clothes and nice holidays my mum didn’t seem to mind.....

I am sure he must have owed lots at some points, but we were all very shielded.

Apart from we knew when there were big wins, with cash being thrown around...literally!

He still gambles now but much smaller, he’s retired and pension doesn’t stretch that far.

Maybe it's too specific... I do know that gambling may not be an exact match. It's all I can think of though. I kind of always thought he was addicted to money in an odd way.

It follows that he is addicted to money, it's a good way to put it. Eg eating disorders - the whole gamut - are regarded as food addiction by some.

GamAnon is the group for friends and family of gamblers. There is also a friends and family forum on the Gamcare website. And Gamcare offers 6 free counselling sessions to friends and family of gamblers as well as a phone line where an adviser might be able to help you talk things through and decide your next steps. All the best to you. STBXH is a compulsive gambler and one of the reasons I left was to protect my kids.

You might also want to have a look at coda (I think that’s what it’s called) it’s codependents anonymous and might give you more information on codependency which is common in relationships with addicts.

I had a father who was similar to yours OP - always looking for the next money-making scheme. We had a childhood which had us going to private schools and taking ski lessons one year and then losing our house and having to change schools the next year, then back in money the following year, then back to poverty. Extremely disruptive, and led to constant fights between my parents and an overall pretty unhappy upbringing. I definitely think he had a gambling mentality. It has impacted my siblings and me. We are all focused on having steady incomes - which is generally good except that sometimes it means not taking reasonable risks with our careers. And we are very controlling with our money in relationships, to the point of being unhealthy.

Does this ring any bells?

Crinkletinkle thank you. Yes that sounds like me too - I'm so risk averse with money it's not funny. I also do have a streak of my dad in me but I spend a lot of time wrestling down that side of me. I've always felt I would barely turn a hair about infidelity but if anyone tried to hide money info from me I would be gone without a second glance.

My father gambled. As a result my sister and I became conservative with money. We both obtained steady, unionized jobs with good benefits and pension plans. We bought our own homes, having grown up in rented accommodation and not knowing how much money we actually had. We definitely craved financial security as we did not feel secure growing up. It was quite the source of anxiety.