My stalker ex is telling the police I extorted him for 10k

[Lockcodger]

I ended a relationship with my EA ex over a year ago thanks to all you brilliant MNers!! Heres the thread
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3169225-is-he-being-a-dick-or-am-i

He proceeded to stalk me for 6 months after I ended it, calling me, showing up at my house unannounced, sending me unwanted gifts to my home and work place. When I told him to leave me alone he sent me the most a abusive horrible email I've ever received. I reported him to the police and things went quiet for 3 months but then he started up the harrassment again by sending flowers to my work place, then the calls started and I received another disgusting email from him.

The police arrested him back in October and seized his phones and computer but he denied almost everything. Just before this, he called me from a withheld number and tried to offer me money to drop the case but not in as many words (he said what do I need to do to make this go away). I knew what he was trying to do so I went along with the conversation to get him to say the words as I had a feeling I was being recorded.

I told the police immediately that he had called and what was said.

I have been waiting since then to hear from the police and they rang today to say that it's taking a long time to get his phone searched and now they may not be able to prosecute because hes not contacted me since October.

He has also submitted a recording of that conversation which is heavily edited and they read me some of the transcript. He is saying that I asked him for 10k and that if he did I would drop the case which is not what I said AT ALL. The conversation was more like him saying what will it take and I said why what are you offering as I wanted him to say it but he is obviously far cleverer than me. He is the one that rang me (I can prove I never rang his phone at any time from the day I left him) and I thought you wernt allowed to use a recording of someone without their knowledge in legal cases?

I can't believe they are considering dropping the charges because it's taken the police so long to gather evidence. Also, why are they allowing him to use this as evidence? I'm so so angry and upset. All I did was breakup with this arsehole and had to put up with being harassed for 6 months and then the police investigation hanging over me and now this!! He's going to get away with it all and has even managed to make me look like the bad guy.

How can this happen? I have no faith in the justice system anymore

The recording will be forensically analysed to see if it’s been edited , they can tell these things , also you are right that they can’t submit a recording to the cps where it hasn’t been legally obtained. Have you got a solicitor involved ?

Also have you thought about progressing with a harassment injunction instead ?

rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/violence-against-women-and-international-law/harassment-and-the-law/#Harassment%20injunctions

Thanks for your reply @Lefty

I haven't got a solicitor because I'm waiting for the police to charge him and didn't think I needed one (plus couldn't afford one as dont qualify for legal aid). When I asked why he has been allowed to submit the manuscript as evidence, the police just said hes allowed to submit evidence in his defence.

I'll have a look into the harrassment order. I'm not so worried he will continue to harrass me, I'm more upset that he is playing the system and it's working!

The police said in not so many words that it's not a high priority case which is why the phone checks keep getting put back and its costing them too much money. Plus he hasnt contacted me since October so they dont think CPS will take the case.

I want this to go on his record so that any of his future partners will be somewhat protected if they do Claire's Law and it will send him a strong message that he cannot behave like this and get away with it.

Is accusing someone of extortion when he called me not harrassing a witness? He knew a warrant was out for his arrest when he made the call. It's so calculated it makes me sick!!

I'm just so angry, I dont know what to do with myself

The harassment order seems to be a bit quicker and will probably show up if someone decides to check him via Claire’s law but it may be worth checking that with the officer you have been dealing with to make sure.

It’s frustrating but if it was to go to the cps then I’m sure they would see right through it ....you know he’s doing this to rile you , don’t let his tactics work. I’m sure the police know the jist as they must come across this all the time. There was a documentary I watched not so long back on domestic abuse and I remember the officer stating “it’s never the abusers fault they always without a doubt have to victim blame in some way, shape or form”
So chin up , you’re being very brave and you’re doing the right thing x

Yeah, you've massively undermined the case against him by participating in a conversation where you indicated that you were open to taking money to make it go away. You are now compomised as a witness - a good lawyer would take you apart on the stand. Very unlikely that a criminal conviction could ever be obtained in those circumstances, which is not the fault of the Police or the CPS. That only really leaves the option of a Non Molestation Order, but be prepared to answer some difficult questions on your own conduct.

I knew what he was trying to do so I went along with the conversation to get him to say the words as I had a feeling I was being recorded.

Why, why, why, why on earth did you do this? You knowingly chose to enter a conversation with someone who abhor, detest, loathe with every fibre of your being, have reported him to the Police repeatedly.

That's really not going to look good, is it?

He knew a warrant was out for his arrest when he made the call

And so did you! You should have hung up immediately.

I'm afraid if this isn't followed up on, you cannot blame the Police or CPS for this. I am sorry for you, a friend of mine has been the subject of a stalker, but you did a really daft thing and have made things much more difficult.

OP, isn't it better to get proper legal advice on this. I don't know if previous posters are just giving their opinions or whether they actually know the legal ramifications of the phone recording.

I agree I think getting legal advice would be beneficial x

I agree I was stupid to entertain the conversation be he called me from a private number and I didn't know it was him until I answered. He then basically tried to bribe me to drop the case which at the time I thought I could prove he was doing this which is a crime in itself isn't it?

Its very difficult to know what to do when you are in that situation as I wanted the police to know what he was trying to do. I rang them immediately after and told them.

Reading between the lines the police are telling you that your case is low priority. Probably because your ex no longer appears to be a threat to you. Sometimes police action to arrest and interview is enough to see someone like this off. At this stage he has not been charged. It is just not progressing and in the meantime his behaviour has stopped.

The problem is that if they drop the case or take no further action he might resume. You should question this and challenge their lack of action.

In terms of the call to you. He would have been warned to not contact you and if it went to court his call could be see as an act of intimidation or continued harassment.

He can submit any evidence he see fit to defend himself. He can record the call. His version of what was said can be challenged. He would need to turn over the recording if it exists. Otherwise it is he said she said. If the call was prolonged then his defence will question why you engaged in conversation if you were intimidated.

That’s it really. By the sounds of it the police believe you and don’t believe him. However they don’t think he is a high risk to you now he has stopped and they suspect it won’t have legs in court.

They have been known to be wrong on this in cases like this.

Thanks Lemon, yes what you have said is more or less what the police said. They did question the transcript but their main issue was that he had stopped contacting me since that call and it is costing them alot of money to analyse his phone so they dont think it's worth taking it to CPS

The only reason I want to persue this is to stop him from doing it to other women. I made no contact with him over the 6 months harrassment other than to tell him to leave me alone. Some of your posts sound like I was asking for this. I didn't want any of this to happen, i didn't want to be harassed and stalked, I didn't want to be offered money to drop the charges, I just wanted to prove what a pice of shit this guy is and it's very hard to prove when your case is a low priority so yes I made a mistake engaging but how else do I prove it? That was my thinking at the time.

I can prove he called me and and the end of the conversation (which is in the transcript) I made it clear that no amount of money would make me drop the charges. I cant let this go and will fight him all the way if it goes to court. I guess I need to get a lawyer and I can stand up to cross examination because I know I haven't done anything wrong. I can prove I made no contact, prove i told him to leave me alone many times, prove i told the police everything immediately as it happened, proved he was the one emailing me, calling me, sending me stuff and the police have all of this evidence.

I rang witness support and they have said they will be an advocate for my case. I am worried he will try and prosecute me if the police drop the case so I guess I have to fight it all the way at any cost. Great!

The police aren’t investigating you for blackmail so there is no need to worry about that. They would tell you if they were.

I would go back to them, in writing, to ask two questions. Firstly how can they ensure that his behaviour will not resume of they stop the investigation. Secondly, how can other women be protected from him if the investigation is dropped. Then ask for a call to discuss and a written response. If you are not happy then escalate to a senior officer and then again to your local MP or a councillor.

The police probably want to do more but they have limited resources and I expect they are prioritising cases where the victim continues to be at risk of harm, rape cases and DV. They are now having to send lots of communication devices to be forensically checked and I am sure this created a backlog.

They know he is spouting twaddle and they know he could maybe become more dangerous. But they also know that sometimes the shock of having them involved can stop people like him. I think if they did have to drop the investigation they could and would tell him that it was at your request on the basis that he had stopped his behaviour but it would be reopened if repeated with you or anyone else. They do keep records of arrests.

Even if this goes no further you did make a difference for any more women he meets. Because he knows the police can get involved.

Thankyou @LemonTT for the advice. I have a named police officer who I can contact so I will email her today.

They mentioned about giving him a harrassment warning if the case is dropped which I guess is better than nothing.

I'm worried if I give up too easily then he will try to carry on with the blackmail bullshit but even if he does, his story would make no sense because why would I ignore him for 6 months, wait for him to call and then try and get money from him and tell the police the same day what happened?

He is a piece of work though and has alot of money so I wouldnt put it past him.

I feel sick that I ever went near this man. His emails were very disturbing and a horrible insight into his warped mind. I really hope this has been enough to stop him from doing this again to someone else.

OP I wouldn’t worry too much. It sounds like the police want to throw it out anyway. If it really does come to it then surely you can get a record of your call log from your telephone provider. It’ll say how long the call lasted, so for example, if his recording lasted 4 minutes 36 seconds, and the call actually lasted 5 minutes 51 seconds, then the evidence would be undermined anyway.

Google DV assist, they’re a free service who can help you in getting a non-mol against him. If he breaches that then he’ll be arrested.

Thanks What, that's a good idea. I'll check out the DV assist