Selfish Man

[mk1865]

I cook his dinner when he gets in from work wash up bring him coffee and dessert. Sounds like I've made a rod for my own back but if I don't he won't. Laziest man I've ever known and so selfish. Anyway the worst thing is that for the rest of the evening he sits at his laptop; Facebook! "Desktop research" when I enter the room he switches screens or turns laptop away from me. When I ask what hes looking at he gets defensive! Once his needs have been met from the kitchen I'm no longer of any interest to him. He talks to his cat more than me. Every day is the same. I do respect his personal space and boundaries but I feel surplus to requirements and unwanted. I have tried talking to him but he is so defensive and always has an answer making me feel like the problem is mine. If im lucky I get half an hour before bed to lie in between his legs on the sofa but he won't touch me he keep his arms above his head and he's a real pig, he forces out flatulence while I'm led there so of course I move away which is what he wanted. The only conversation is pathetic puerile small talk and he will talk to me through the cat e.g " is mommy making drinkies" HELP!!! I'm so unhappy but trapped financially. He has a good job and so do I but can only achieve part time hours and as I love my job I am reluctant to leave for full time on less money anyway. I'm stuck in a rut and don't know which way to turn. Anyone else having similar experiences. Opinions would be appreciated .....

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Do you have children together? Some particular cultural reason for not being able to divorce? If not then, brutally - most of us have to work full time to pay our way. I can’t see for one minute how having to work a few more hours a week is in any way worse than this miserable, shitty existence you call a relationship. What on earth do those around you think?

How much is he paying you? You should be getting at least minimum wage for housekeeping services. (And sex? at least £100/hr for that.)

This is really unhealthy, you need to get out. It's clear that he views you as a domestic appliance and nothing more, and you are caught between desperation for a crumb of affection/attention and utterly despising the man. Are you married? Why can you only work part time hours?

What's he up to that you can't look at on his laptop?

Make and eat dinner before he comes home and claim not to be hungry when he gets back. Say you're on a diet.

Bin him. You'll be amazed what you can achieve when you aren't being dragged down by that useless sack of flesh. There is no money in the world that would make up for being treated like this.

Look into what you would be entitled to if you were alone (you can check online) - you may get working tax credits, housing benefit etc. You could also take a second job - cleaning and bar work can both work, depending on your hours.

If you don't have children, you can get a house-share room, so your outgoings don't need to be massive, and you get to know new people that way too.

You may well have to take on a 'lesser' lifestyle - but surely it's worth it?

He’s useless to you and adds nothing to your future. He’s taking the fun out of your existence. There doesn’t sound like there is any need to weigh up the options here - if I were in this position, I’d leave knowing that it can’t get very much lousier than this current state. I hope you find your true purpose - even if part of it is to cook dinner and dessert and lie on someone’s lap, at least find someone who deserves that love and care.