Compatibility

[janeoftgejungle]

I'm starting to wonder if me and my partner are actually compatible. I don't think we had time to figure out if we were!

We got together and just under a year later I was pregnant. I wouldnt change if for the world, two amazing children. I don't think we had time to find out if we were compatible though. 10 years later I've had these thoughts, I've had them before but I suppose I didn't realise it was down to comparability.

The thing is...I do all the things he wants to do, but he is not really interested in the things I want to do. I've always tried his things because I like trying things. One thing that really bothers me is this - He can't ride a bike and I have expressed to him how much i would love him to ride a bike so we can all do it together and have a fun time, we live by the beach and can cycle down the miles of opromenade. (every summer I do it with the kids) He was never taught to ride a bike and he is scared to ride a bike because I think he fell off once 35 years ago, I have said I would help him we could go to the park at 5 in the morning to learn if needs be, when there is nobody else around. He just won't do it.

He won't camp either. We don't have a massive amount of money and he wants the whole family to spend some time together (4 kids) we all can't go on holiday as it's too much money, so I've said camping is the way forward. That's a no too.

I feel like I do so many of the things he wants to do but it's not reciprocated.

I just wanted opinions on that.

I'm dead against camping too so no matter how much I love someone, I ain't camping for them. Caravan yes, tent no.

The bike thing is probably embarrassment tbh so I can see why he is reluctant, although it must be easy to learn as an adult.

Are there many other examples as you have only given 2?

I realised a while ago that H and I were not massively compatible and are very different people. We are getting divorced and I am like a different person. I had suppressed myself a lot which I hadn't realised. Question is, is his lack of willing to do the things you would like a deal breaker?

Me too - camping! I'd rather do anything else.

I'm not sure your 2 examples are good - he can't ride a bike and he hates camping. But maybe it's symptomatic of other differences between you, or maybe you are just growing apart. Also as you get older you're less likely to tolerate things that used to be mere annoyances. My exH used to really irritate me because he didn't want to do anything that I did, but he also didn't come up with any alternative ideas.

I wouldn't want to be with someone who wasn't similar to me in outlook and in how they wanted to spend their time.

There are too many examples to list. I mentioned yesterday that I would like to travel through America. I've done some travelling before. I said I would like to stop off at some places that aren't on the tourist map. That thought scared him, it kind of scares me too but I want to do it with someone, that someone is him, but I doubt he would be up for it.

I find myself doing all the fun things I want to do with another friend not him. This is what I have to do if I want to have my kind of fun.