Financial cut backs in new relationship - advice needed

[ikkledudette]

I need some advice. I have been dating my boyfriend for nearly 4 months now. He has been separated for a year and has 2 young DC. He is settling into co-parenting with his XDW and I think he is still settling into a financial routine. He has been dropping hints that he needs to be more sensible with his money, mainly referring to the costs relating to our relationship. For context, we haven’t done anything what I would consider lavish since we got together. We’ve been on a couple of day trips out and about near-by and eaten out a handful on times – all of which we take turns in paying for. I am currently separated myself and am living with my parents whilst my marital home is sold so I can buy my own place, so I commute to his which is a good 50 mins away and costs me about £60 per month in fuel. I am conscious that I always stay at his, so I share the cooking and cleaning whilst I’m there to ensure I’m not using his place like a hotel as well as splitting the cost of food and drink whilst there. I wouldn’t mind, but I’m not sure what else we can cut back on tbh. He is going on a lads holiday in August which was booked before we started dating and he keeps buying himself frivolous items. These in themselves aren’t a bother to me as he is free to do as he wishes with his money, but I feel it’s a bit off to then drop passive hints how he needs to start being more sensible with money when we go out for a coffee. I’m not certain how to approach this subject with him without sounding materialistic. Any advice would be welcome.

If he really feels like buying a coffee on a 50/50 basis amounts to him not being "sensible" with his money then it's probably best to call it a day now.
You're both paying equally for what sounds like very low key entertainment/outings etc associated with being in a relationship. You, in fact, are paying an extra £60 a month just for the privilege of seeing him on top of having mortgage payments & your keep to your parents.
I'd suspect that what he means is that he needs to be more sensible about spending your money. He may start asking for money towards his utilities etc since you're there using them.
If he's in such a dire situation that he can't even go for a coffee with you then I'd relieve him of the financial burden & end it. I'm on a minute income & wouldn't dream of going to a café when it would cost me more than a big jar from Aldi that would last me 2 weeks would.
A relationship of less than 4 months really isn't one that calls for heroic sacrifices.

Well it sounds to me like you're overcompensating when you go over there. You pay for all the fuel, you contribute to food and you cook and clean. Sounds to me like he wants to stay at home farting about playing on his PS while you do the wife work. No more nice dates and coffee eh? He'd rather spend that on games.