My ex and I split after 5years in August, we share two little boys oldest Is 3. I left for many reasons such as his gambling, his disrespect involving women and just his mental abuse... I was insulted on everything and made to feel like shit about my mothering, my body, my life.. me as a person and it took me to such a dark place I didn’t even want to be here anymore.. so knowing how dangerous those thoughts are I decided it was time to leave.
I left to sort out my life for me and my boys with never the intention of thinking of men. Infact I felt done with them because of how amazing I thought my ex was in the beginning but he just tunrned into a narcissistic man so quickly. I actually met a really amazing guy about 2 months after and ofocurse I just thought it probably wouldn’t go anywhere, probably wouldn’t even ever meet.. but things progressed and since then we are now together and just found out I’m pregnant.. now my problem is
Since my ex has found out about him, he has made my life hell.. constantly making me feel like our relationship was perfect and I just walked out and moved on with this guy.. his expressed how hurt he is by me ‘giving up’ and I do really believe the hurt.. now my problem is..
I just feel like this is all I didn’t need to add into the mix because this will hurt him even more.. he will also never accept it and will never want my new partner around his children so it will never work out like I want it to in my head.. as in to all live together eventually one day. He doesn’t know I am pregnant but his previously made threats to me and him it I ever want to move in with him. I do believe they arnt empty 100 percent. Other wise I wouldn’t feel the way I do.
I just dont know what to do, I never ever meant to hurt him. I just moved on.. I told him so many times before I left I wasn’t yet ready to leave but I was getting there. He wasn’t happy and neither was I? So what did I do wrong?
I’ve never slept with him again since September I’ve never told him I wanted him back.. but the way he describes it is... he lost everything he loved.. his family and wanted his life to end while I didn’t care and just cracked on with another guy.. but that’s not how it was. I had this guy just manipulating me constantly instead of even trying to sort himself out and prove me wrong he would just come to me and tell me how weak I am for leaving.. he would still be shouting and screaming at me and putting me down while I had this other guy bringing nothing but peace. But he strongly believes I should of never left because he never put his hands on me or cheated so I should of continued fighting for it all.
Now we are where we are anyway I don’t agree with it all.. and wondering am I blind for how strongly he feels about it?
Am I really disloyal for leaving?
Am I just someone who gives up?
Apparently I’m just going to teach my children to be weak and give up in life.
Am I really just selfish for doing what’s best for me and not the boys.
I just don’t know I have struggled with this for the past 6 months of feeling like I keep hurting someone without intending to.. all I’m trying to do is move on with my life and be happy I spent so long being unhappy.
We currently have no contact since a week ago.. as he followed me on the street and just screamed and shouted at me about everything possible about me took my phone and threw it away when I threatened to call the police and just took me back to a dark place so after he left, he called and broke down how sorry he is but his just so hurt I gave up and moved on so quickly and it feels to him as if I put my new relationship over ours and he believes as the father of my children he should be put before any other relationship. He also expressed as I said earlier how it took him into such a dark place around December where he didn’t want to live and I still pursued things with this guy.. after this my partner called me and I was so down and nearly in tears he suggested we went for a walk. When my ex dropped of the boys he saaw some flowers and went in for round 2 saying so he expressed all of that to me about how he felt and I just went to meet him.. I’m selfish and just want to hurt him? My opinion on it was how can you do everything you just did and then tell me I should of thought about his feelings?
Please can someone tell me if I am wrong cos I’m genuinely lost at this point.. and any advice on the pregnancy as I genuinely don’t want to hurt him any more then I have.