So sad to be nearing end of relationship

[Keaneno1fan]

DP and I are near end of road but we have a DS who we adore. We’ve been together 12 yrs, lived together 7 years but despite initially talking of marriage he’s now said he never wants to get married and talked about people breaking promises which can only mean he would like to meet someone else. Despite this he talks about our future holidays, retirement etc. We’ve both been married before.

We’ve lost intimacy, mostly my fault (had v early menopause) which i’ve tried to re-establish with no luck. Now feels awkward. I discovered by chance he’s been on Tinder a few months back (of course only just joined yeah really...). We get on well day to day with similar interests. He can be thoughtful kind and generous. Doesnt like talking about relationship though.

Just feel so upset for my DS11 he doesnt deserve it

You don't deserve it!!! None of us do that end up with a person that promises to stand by our side only to throw us under a bus. You've not done anything wrong, he has. Feel sad for your son, feel sad for you, but if you can get shot of this arsehole. Life is too short. The trust is now broken, you will destroy what is left of you if you stay with him. That is the voice of experience talking.

It sounds so similar to my friend's current situation OP...she's moved out and it's put the fear of God into him.

She's rented short term, left her teens at home with her husband and is seeing them 50% of the time.

He's now in pieces but she's moving on because she can't stand the meanness any longer.

I advise you to make a move. It will either galvanise him into fighting for you, or you will find you like being single.

Talk to him, try counselling. You obviously have something left, put some effort into trying to save it. For the sake of DS if nothing else!

He's on Tinder!!!
Not OK OP.
Has he been in contact with any Women on the site?
It might be an idea to have a temporary separation and see how you get on.
Counselling and sex therapy may also help if you want to save this?

@hellsbellsmelons

He said he hadnt made contact with anyone having “just joined” and had just been looking. This is not the first time this happened as he has done this before ... he has not sought to reassure me or re-establish trust either which he would have done if he was truly sorry. He is also very protective over phone and on whatsapp late with a very longwinded explanation of a work chat..

I’m not sure he’d do counselling. A temporary separation might be an idea.

@hellsbellsmelons and sorry should have said thank you for responding!

If he’s on tinder then he’s checked out. Is there anything left to save? He’ll put the effort into tinder but not counselling to save your relationship?