DH doesn't know if he wants me anymore - need to talk

[sickmumma]

I just need someone to talk to as there is no one in RL I can. It's a long story so not sure if I can add it all.

My DH says that he's been unhappy for a long time, it's all come to a head recently when I made a stupid mistake financially (we are talking £500 here not lots for a silly mistake that I am annoyed at myself about) and also an ill family member is making him think life's too short to be unhappy.

He says that there's no affection in our relationship, which he is right, we have been distant. I recently had a baby (4 months ago) and have been unwell in the pregnancy, it wasn't planned and I've been harvesting a lot of mixed feeling over it all and since having her also due to him not wanting a vasectomy. I do love him, I'm not the most open book and he has always from the get go been the most affectionate one.

I think I am suffering from post natal depression, this is adding so much stress to me and I feel so horrible. He doesn't know what he wants to do he says he wants to work it out but he's still so angry at me - for what I am not sure. We agreed last night to try harder yet tonight he has stayed playing a game and won't talk to me - I have pulled him up on this and he says he's still angry and he doesn't Tunis what to do. He wants to go to his mums and get his head straight.

Now I am wondering if all this crap is a bravado and someone else is involved. There a few coincidences which he has explained away but that could possibly be something.

How are you sleeping firstly? That can have a massive impact on how you're feeling day to day.

If you're feeling a bit like PND, then get yourself some advice and seen by a GP.

Ask him what he expects then you can agree to compromise. Does he help with house/baby etc

Sending 💐💐

What type coincidences are we talking about?

How are you sleeping firstly? That can have a massive impact on how you're feeling day to day.

I am sleeping well, the baby goes through the night now so I don't think that's having an impact. I just feel quite anxious around going out - I was a little during the pregnancy due to the sickness and it seems to be coming back but perhaps because of this whole situation! I just feel very lonely.

He doesn't know what he wants, he can't give me a solid answer what I can do to fix things he just keeps saying he's so unhappy. He does help to some extent with house and kids, not so much with the baby, I have just stopped breastfeeding so that wS always more difficult.

The first thing was he had changed the password on his phone - he had added his card to Apple Pay and said it had made him do this, he told the password straightaway.

The location on his phone has turned off, although he has screenshotted showing it's on, I expect he could have done a quick switch to take the picture - I used it sometimes to work out how far he was away for doing dinner.

Another Twitter account which I went through and there was nothing bad on it was for a hobby but since mentioning he's now deleted. These could all be coincidences, but there's a gut feeling. On the other hand it could be me being super sensitive (I am very emotional and irrational atm anyway) feeling rubbish about myself and overthinking it!

Your instinct about the suspicious activity, timing (pregnancy) and his attitude sound spot on.

I'm so sorry.

Have you any reason not to trust him?

How much time in a day do you get to youtself!?

With regards to going out, if comfortable- do little distances first! End of the garden/road/street then a bit more each day. So easy to get stuck in a rut!

The lack of affection is understandable. Tired and touched out and wanting some time to yourself leads to these things. Is he normally a patient person?

How long has he said he's been unhappy for?

ave you any reason not to trust him?

This is so embarrassing but yes he cheated on me 8 years ago when pregnant and did the whole I don't know what I want so yes it makes me worry. I left him after, he changed a lot we were very young and he grew up a lot and we got over it. He proved himself to me. It was hard at the start but that was to be his only chance.

I have four children - no time 🙈 no
They are at school the baby is easy, I do
Get lots of time to myself, I've watched a season and a half of killing eve since the weekend! OH says quite rightly sit and do nothing in the day because if he had the chance he would do the same! He expects nothing housewise from me but obv I do it anyways.

I have still been going out, just I have a bit of
A hot flush when I first get there, then I get over it and am fine so pushing myself still.

I have explained perhaps I have put our relationship last on the to do list, which is wrong I know. He said it's been a long time (even before I got pregnant as I thought perhaps the preg was hard) but recent events as said above are making him bring it to a head - it has been spoken about previously and we've just got on with it but I guess things haven't changed. I know
We aren't the closest but to me we Have a very full on life, the kids are put first and we do get rare snippets alone where I feel like'us' and the spark is still there. Just it gets buried day to day.

I do wonder if he is depressed, like I said a family member is very ill and expected to have weeks to live, this is obv having an effect on him and his mum whom he is very close to and seeing her go through it all. He's normally very open and more emotionally in tune than me but he hasn't said much about this whole
Situation at all and I know it's weighing on his mind.

None of us know for sure but I would suspect someone has turned his head (may not be full on actual infidelity) and has prompted this. He will regret it later of course but you may have had enough by then. Sure, you have your bad habits but I imagine he does too. Tell him he can have all the space he wants, you're willing to go to counselling, but that he will need to take proper 50/50 responsibility for the kids, as you need to think of yourself and how you will rebuild your life. That will make him think.

He is going to his mums tonight, he has been at work then has taken a couple of the children to a sports event, I am guessing he will pack some stuff after that once they are in bed. Not really sure how to explain this to the kids!

The thing that's driving me mad is the not knowing if it is actually his feelings or if it's someone else, i don't want to make a fool of myself by trying if it's pointless and there's someone else involved. I doubt I will ever find out though and know for sure

a big big hug to you from me Agree with Wintersunglasses point about detaching a little and making him think xxx

You've got four children including a four month-old and he thinks it's ok to just waltz off?

He's not much of a parent or a husband there...

@Nanny0gg no I guess not! He has gone to his mums he said he may be back or he may not he's not sure. What a Dickhead.

I keep going from sadness to anger. I really feel all over the place. I can cope fine with the kids etc it feels better without him here because when he is there's an atmosphere. I just feel angry because it feels like such a crappy excuse and I just wish he would say someone else has caught his attention if that's true. Can't see how I can trust him after this anyway even if nothing has happened. The fact of if he leaves me and the kids just shows he has no backbone to work on things and is running away from his problems, if we worked it out whose to say it wouldn't happen in another few months.

Also slightly worried about if he does leave money wise and then starts being a idiot like I have seen happen on here before. I am currently on crappy maternity pay so would probably mean I would have to go back to work sooner rather than later if he didn't put in a decent amount still.