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Relationships

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Am I crazy to think there could possibly be a future in this?

21 replies

SunkissedCherry · 19/06/2019 22:43

Hi, I am a single mum to 2 DS’. I met a man a year ago through a mutual hobby online. He is single and a year younger than me. We chatted maybe once or twice a week, this then led to me asking if he wanted to be friends outside of the hobby. We talked more which then led to swapping pictures, phonecalls every other day and the ocassional skype video call. We message every day and have done for many months.

I have done as many background checks as I can (google, social media etc) and everything he says seems to match up. He has been very open about his family, friends and work. He seems like a lovely man, and we just seem to click. He is kind and supportive, has taken time to understand more about me and where I live and just seems like an all round great guy. I understand that it is easy to portray the perfect person online and so some of my guards are still up even after this time just incase.

It is clear that we really like each other and we would like to meet. But there is a slight problem. I am in the UK and he is in the US. Am I being stupid and naive to think something can come from this? Especially as there are children involved? What on earth do I do about meeting? He is willing to come to England, or whichever place I feel most comfortable with.

Could there be a future in this? I really like him.

OP posts:
Abillity2019 · 19/06/2019 22:44

No.

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/06/2019 22:47

I don’t think so, no.

Happinessbegins · 19/06/2019 22:53

You would be mad.

Johngon · 19/06/2019 22:53

Someone I know married an American and she now lives in the UK. He has kids but no contact with them so not really relevant. She doesnt have kids. They got married a few years ago and she only just got her VISA (or whatever it is allowing her to stay here).

I wouldnt bother.

Floydian · 19/06/2019 22:55

Seriously? No.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 19/06/2019 22:56

No

MakeLemonade · 19/06/2019 22:58

Why only the occasional video Skype? That seems strange.

crappyday2018 · 19/06/2019 23:03

Not what you want to hear but sadly I agree. I've chatted with a couple of guys in the past for a few weeks with skype calls and regular phonecalls and been convinced we had a connection, then met them and it just hasn't been the same. Its too much of a risk with the massive distance.

Surfingtheweb · 19/06/2019 23:05

I used to work with a lady that met an American man on a online game, they chatted for years, he had kids she didn't. Eventually she went to the US to meet him. She has subsequently moved to the US, got married & had a baby. So it does happen, but not very often I don't think.

moofolk · 19/06/2019 23:09

A friend of mine now lives in Mexico with his wife who he met online (shared interest, not dating site) and their daughter.

They are very happy. It happens.

They were both younger and no kids though.

Who knows? If he's willing to come and visit then why not meet? But it's a hell of a long distance relationship.

AllotmentOpenDay · 19/06/2019 23:12

A relation of mine in continental Europe (divorced, grown up children) met his wife on the internet (also divorced, grown children). She was in the US. I don't know the exact details, but they visited each other and eventually married. They live in said European country.

Few visa issues at first I recall but they are happy together. But I did think it was a bit bonkers at first!

category12 · 19/06/2019 23:20

Long distance can work. Friends of mine met online and for a good couple of years they only saw each other every few months, and they basically had a videochat open the whole time anytime they were at home, so they kinda virtually lived with each other. Which was weird when you visited one of them, but anyway. Eventually she moved over to him, as he had kids over here.

It is possible, but unlikely.

LittleFairywren · 19/06/2019 23:21

No definitely not. You don't even know him anyway.

Isitmybathtimeyet · 19/06/2019 23:26

I think it’s not true to say you don’t know him. How well do we know anyone really early in a relationship?

If he’s willing to come and visit you here, with appropriate boundaries (not staying with you for example), then why not meet up and see how it goes?

Mxyzptlk · 19/06/2019 23:26

He could visit you and seem to be wonderful, but you still wouldn't know anything about his real life in USA.

Sounds far too difficult to make it long term, especially with your kids involved.

SunkissedCherry · 19/06/2019 23:28

Thank you for your input, I appreciate it.

OP posts:
Dodie66 · 19/06/2019 23:34

My son met his wife online and moved to the USA and married her. They have been married 18 years now

MummaD209 · 19/06/2019 23:36

I don't see why not! I don't know why everyone is being so negative. Alot of relationships start online nowadays and if you get on well online I guess there is every chance you will get along In real life also. As long as you meet safely(let someone know where you are going etc) then even if there wasn't a romantic spark then I'm sure you will be friends. Go for it! X

category12 · 19/06/2019 23:40

It's not the online nature of the beginning, it's the distance, MummaD209. Unless they're both quite well-off travelling between the US & Uk to see each other is going to be difficult to manage.

And I gave a positive story of how it can work.

carla1983 · 19/06/2019 23:41

I've spent a lot of time online and started 2 long distance relationships with guys before I met them. 1 in Australia, 1 in the US.

Chatted with both for months before meeting in person. Was massively disappointed when I did finally meet them. Wasn't remotely attracted to one (despite thinking he was hot and totally my type via webcam). The other was also not anywhere near as attractive as I thought and sadly he was also a porn addict (which I would have known if I had entered his bedroom or even his bathroom - porn mags left everywhere). Yuck.

I wouldn't recommend it OP unless you can meet straight away. You spend months fantasising & creating an image of the person in your head, then when you meet it may or may not go as you hope, a bit like online dating except you have loads of time to blow the person up in your head as 'the one'.

Proteinshakesandtears · 20/06/2019 06:06

What are you financially situations?

How many times can you fly to see eachother? .

With you having kids would you be able to go spend a week or 2 in the us with him a few times?

Can you move there? Would you move there, considering your kids if you fall madly in love?

Would he move here?

On the last one be careful. A friend of mine met a man from Australia. They spent a couple of years travelling backwards and forwards. He moved here to be with her and her daughter. They had a baby. He was very happy to move here. But he hated when he lived here day in day out.

They ended up splitting up. She told him to go back because he was so miserable here. He flies back twice a year to see his child. She cant move there because the father of her oldest child is very involved with her and it would be fair to take that away from her.

Twice a year he comes back. She loves hom and he loves her and they end up in bed together. He goes back, she is heartbroken again. Cant move on here because she knows he will be back soon and wants to be with him.

It's a mess for all of them.

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