Is it worth a date

[labalabaloo]

I'm widowed almost 3 years now with 2 kids. It's been a difficult few years but I have managed pretty well overall: I work in a very well paid job. Recently I have started to work a lot on myself and learning to love myself more by putting boundaries in place within relationships. Both kids are much improved but are still in therapy for the sudden loss of their dad. Anyway after my DH death I was so lonely and desperate I went on a few tinder dates that were all disasters. I have since taking a step back and almost gotten used to being on my own. Now a very good friend wants to arrange a date for me with a guy she knows and states he is a really good one. The problem is I have seen pictures and he is not very impressive in the looks department. What do you mumsnetters think? Im 37 and reasonable looking, maybe it's time I looked for the good inside and not focus on physical attraction and give it a go. What are your thoughts ??

Why does your friend want to set you up? Is it because she knows both of you very well, and genuinely think you guys will get on?
Or is it a case of " you're both single, so..."

If it's the first, go!
If it's the second... dunno.
Some people really aren't photogenic

I'd give it a go, for one date. You never know, sometimes if you click with someone, the physical attraction grows, given a little time.

He might look better in real life, lots of people don't photo well. Plus if you really get on with him/ find him funny etc then you'll probably start thinking he looks more attractive 🙂

She thinks we would be good together. We have both been through a very difficult time so would have an understanding of the pain. But then again maybes it's better to meet some more upbeat and happy excited about like. My husband took his own lunch life and I have recently decided I'm down with sorrow and pain and wish to move on with like. I guess one date won't do no harm

If nothing else you might make a nice friend. What have you got to lose?

I went on a date, sort of set up by my brother. This was the first date after my husband left me (affair). We chatted for a bit then decided to meet up. Happened to be Valentine's Day!
He was a lovely lovely bloke, no spark but was a brilliant date and we talked and talked. We occasionally say 'Hi' now and again. (We didn't get together)
What am trying to say is have an open mind and maybe it's worth a date!

My husband took his own life and I know exactly what you mean about looking for upbeat people. My experience is that it's quite a rare quality. So I would do things that make you feel upbeat. Have a date, enjoy it, all the more relaxed if he's not overwhelming in the looks dept (people can look a lot better or worse than any individual photo). Keep your expectations low and be yourself. After that date, listen very carefully to your gut.

Definitely go on the date. As you get older you actually do start to appreciate the person rather than the looks. If you have only seen a picture then of course you can only go on his looks. However, he might be such a lovely, funny bloke and great company that you see past that.
DO IT, what is the worst that could happen?

To be honest , what have you got to lose?

It's worth a try - why not?

My friend was trying to set me up with her male friend for years, to no avail.

We eventually met at a local event. I ended up marrying him and we had a child - divorced now, but he was a good man. I dunno why I didn't accept her judgment years before!

Well I have agreed to a date. It's good to know he is a sound good guy from my friend who has known him for years. After my husband died I was totally stuck by loneliness. I was really desperate for someone to pull me away from my misery. It ended by meeting some very shady characters who i new nothing about. One even stole money from me. At least I know this one is a good person. I've always felt I needed that physically attraction and I really hope that will not be the case in this situation and I am no longer as shallow and immature

With the greatest of respect, you may not be what he considers attractive either (regardless of how objectively good looking you might be) so I'd put that to one side and see how your personalities work together on a date

You have nothing to lose by meeting up with this man, remember he will be feeling as cautious as you. He may look a lot better in real life too. Give it a go. Please let us know how you get on.

Have you met him??