Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

family stress

4 replies

Kittycat34 · 19/06/2019 16:57

Ever since I was little my brother has been emotionally manipulative and generally abusive towards me. My parents are lovely people and would help me in anyway, except in this situation.
Just to give you some examples last year I was staying at my parents- (them and my brother live in a different town to me) and he called them asking why I was with them and saying I had no right to be with them. This of course really upset me but when I try to explain how upset I am to my parents the just don't want to hear it. This week he messaged me and told me he had rang both of my grandparents and that I was "exiled" from my family, called me the C word and text my husband and told him to leave me. I haven't sent anything back and I have blocked his number so I can't receive anything else.
To be honest I have no real desire to have a relationship with my brother, as all it does is upset me but it hurts that my parents seem to think that I should except his behaviour. They have told me I am "ruining" family events because I don't want to attend when he is around. I understand they might feel struck in the middle but surely sometimes there is a right and a wrong? It's hard to have a good relationship with them when I feel like they are forcing me to spend time with someone who is really not very nice to me. I think he is possibly a bit jealous of me and wants to have my parents to himself and to be honest I am starting to feel like I should just let him.

OP posts:
Drum2018 · 19/06/2019 17:01

Why don't you show your parents the messages he sent? Surely they cannot condone that level of crap. If they still choose to take his side/make excuses for him, then you may have to consider whether they are as lovely as you think. Is he unwell? Is there a backstory to his abuse towards you?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 19/06/2019 17:24

He sounds like an arsehole. I'm not surprised you don't want anything to do with him. Yes, show his texts to your parents and tell them you decide you who speak to, not them.

AgentJohnson · 20/06/2019 01:27

Your brother is an arsehole and your parents are in denial, it’s that simple. For them you taking his is shit is the path of least resistance.

As lovely as your parents may be, they are using you as their buffer in an abusive relationship dynamic. As with every relationship dynamic, you get to choose your role and you don’t have to accept the one they want to assign to you. For you’ve own sanity you do have to accept that you can’t change them and decide on how much you want to focus on a relationship where their reluctance to stand up to your brother is prioritised over your emotional well-being.

justilou1 · 20/06/2019 01:31

How old is your brother?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page