Ending relationship

[RainbowHair]

Been with DP for 6 years, recently engaged and now reconsidering the whole relationship.

When we got together, his ex was around a lot, she's the cousin of his friend and would always go to friends house whenever DP was there. She wanted to get back with him, he did not. If he ever called me while at friends house, she'd always be in the background shouting stuff at me, e.g. 'put your d**k away DP name' 'get back in bed', just things to wind me up, his friends could also be heard in the background so knew nothing was happening. She did this for about a year, would always message him and such.

Anyway, in the first month, every day that he finished work, he'd call her or her, him, only for a minute or 2. He also went to breakfast with her and his friend.
3 months into relationship, she was still causing issues, which I spoke to DP about and he said he'd stop talking to her but he didn't.
It was new years eve and we planned on spending it together, he was on his way at 6pm, 7pm came, tried calling, phone was off, he never showed up. 12:30am I get a message from his ex saying 'I know something that would destroy you'. Find out the next day, that he stayed at his friends house on NYE while his ex was there, he was also aware about her messaging me. He told me he didn't know what she was talking about and she was trying to wind me up again.

6 months into relationship I tell him I won't continue relationship if he stays in contact with her, even if she's over his friends house, he says that's hard, as he doesn't want to be rude and disrespectful towards the family.
Eventually after a year she backed down and he stopped contact and met his friend elsewhere.

About 2 months ago, she told one of his friends that the 2 of them went away for a weekend, which he didn't, he was with me.

Since all of this, I've asked him on several occasions if he has ever done anything he shouldn't have and he's always said no, but there is a small part of me that doesn't believe him, like I feel like something happened on or before that NYE.

I can't get that niggling feeling to go away, I mean I know it's probably all innocent but I just don't know what to do

Hi,

My DP had someone exactly like this in his life when we first got together. One evening her sister text me saying they had worked it out, and I must not have been worth it, and they were gone away for a night. He was sat on the couch beside me.

She did so many things to try and win him back, he swears nothing ever happened, and although I am not a person who trusts easily, I have no other option. She would tell me ANYTHING to walk away from him, and she nearly succeeded (until he talked some sense into me). One night she brought him for dinner for his birthday (it still baffles me that he went but he still worried about her at the time and she threatened suicide etc.) and tricked him into going into the house (apparently she fainted in the bathroom in the restaurant with no one else around and she didn't feel safe sleeping in the house on her own). Suddenly my number was blocked from his phone, I couldn't call or text him and we had no idea why for weeks.

But at the end of the day, he chose to be with me, not her. She was throwing herself at him, and he still chose me. Just like you DP chose you, despite all else he did not go back to her when he could of.

This happened so far in the past, has anything happened in the 5.5 years since then to make you doubt him? There is no way you will ever know what happened that night, you can choose to move on, or end your relationship that I assume has been good for the rest of the time??

So...after a 6 year relationship you're agonising over an incident that happened 3 months into the relationship, is that right?

Forget his ex for a bit...how has his behaviour/attitude been towards you in all that time? Does he give you reason to be suspicious?

Suppose it came out that something did happen between them 3 months in/NYE...what would your stance be?

Trust you're gut my bet is he slept with her which he why he went AWOL on NYC why would you stay with him when he stood you up like that. She couldn't wait to tell you.

I agree witn PP it was a long time ago - ex was clearly trying to cause trouble. But you are since engaged - did he propose to you?

He has spoken to women online, some private pictures were sent between him and a woman, with an arrangement to meet up. He said he only did it because he thought it was me trying to catch him out, was not me, and tried 2 more times with different women, just inappropriate messaging again with the belief that I was trying to catch him out. That was in the first year and since then nothing has happened to make me think anything.

I think my main issue is that if he has, he's had plenty opportunity to tell me, and I've always said if he's ever done something to be honest so we can at least try and work through it, whereas if I found out from someone else I don't think I could forgive. I wouldn't end the relationship if something did happen back then, but I don't want to marry someone to find out later that he has cheated. I have just always had a feeling ever since that night that something happened either with her or someone else and I can't shake it.

He did the proposing after a long time planning :)