I left my abuser twice - once for four days then for two weeks. Each time I was devastated and each time I was reassured things would change.
I left for good yesterday. I just cannot do it anymore.
Five years of mental torture - gas lighting, questioning, hiding my personal possessions, wild accusations. Unable to see friends and family.
- Five years of financial abuse. My wages taken from me every month. My nest egg used to get him out of debt. Given pocket money like a child. Bills unpaid. Opening up a bank account in my name forging my signature.
- Physical abuse. Throwing things at me at first.
Then picking me up and throwing ME outside. I suffered a frozen shoulder and ended up on tramadol and radiology needle guided steroid injections. Twice.
Pulling me out of bed by my hair - being dragged through our bedroom and down the stairs like this. Being stamped on. Kicked in the face then dragged again by my hair onto the drive and left out in the snow like a heap of rubbish.
The list could go on.
Unfortunately although the good times were amazing the bad times were absolutely terrifying.
No one ever knew.
I am a shadow of my former self. I have become a yes person. I am in constant flight/fright mode. I'm constantly ill. I can't relax to sleep.
No. No more. I hit a mental brick wall and thought NO I cannot endure this ANYMORE.
I packed my car on Monday evening whilst he was at work. I went to work yesterday and went straight to dear friends after. Friends he doesn't know because he decided he didn't like any of my personal friends even though he never met them. I will stay with them until I can rent a room of my own.
I am not even strong enough to think of renting a house and setting up a home.
The trigger for this ? A horrible accusing message he sent to a wonderful loved friend of ours. And I thought ENOUGH. I have lost enough.
Then I will heal and decide my future.