Mother's - in - law

[Mog]

Being fairly new to this site I'm catching up with the threads on MIL's and can identify with a lot of what's being said! I wondered if anyone had found a good way to deal with the bluntness/rudeness of MIL criticisms. I keep quiet to keep the peace but it leaves me feeling frustrated and wondering how they get away with abusing the common courtesies we all give to one another. Any tips from amateur (or real!) psycologists?

Genia, Mog - I get these kind of comments from my own mother, not my MIL!! Admittedly my MIL isn't around very much so she doesn't get the chance to make such observations, but my own mother manages to make a lot of critical comments and then wonders why I get upset about it. All I can suggest is to be assertive and say something that will end the conversation, and then change the subject. Hopefully they'll get the message that their criticisms are neither wanted nor needed.

I suppose there is something to be said about PILs who show little or no interest in their grandchild ... that would drive me round the twist Genia ... I am not surprised you were relieved for her to go!!!!

genia, poor you! My MIL is great, but I know that if she stays more than a couple of days I start to get irritated with her.

• It's not easy having someone else living in your house. It's your space, and after a while, any guest, however helpful, starts to feel like an intruder.

• Your MIL probably doesn't even realise she's doing what she's doing - she probably thinks she's being helpful. My MIL confessed to me recently that when she left dh and I at the hospital after visiting newly-born ds (our first baby), she felt like she was leaving him in the hands of amateurs. (Which of course she was!)

• Feel free to come on here and rant as much as you like to let off steam - we understand. But try and remember that however annoying your MIL has been, she is someone who loves your ds very much, and he cannot have too many people in his life who love him. She will never replace you, but if he develops a warm and trusting relationship with his grandmother it will stand him in good stead later (and you - if he is happy with her it could free up some time for you to go out!).

I have mentioned my MIL in another thread - she is obese, drinks like a fish and snores like a wild animal. She has just stayed with us this weekend and is now hopefully well on her way home...cannot bear to torture anyone with more details

my MIL rang up to cancel a visit to us to see dd because she's hurt her back again...so why do I feel that's just not good enough? because
a) she'd already expressed fears that Bin Laden's crew would get her on the underground, so was contemplating getting the bus from Victoria station to north London!
b) she looks after her strapping 9 month old grandson 3 days a week, who needs a lot more picking up and back-straining activities than dd (no mention that she wouldn't be looking after him this week)
c)she's cancelled on us before at very short notice for dubious reasons
d) she lives very close to her grandsons and a little girl playing in the street outside her house asked me who my dd was - because she "knew who the boys were, but her mummy said MIL had never mentioned any girls" (she's the only granddaughter)
This looks very petty besides some of the other gripes re: MILs but boy do they make you mad

Sympathies KS. Its called burying your head in the sand - your MILs attitude, that is.

I can remember when I first got married and we were both working full time and very long hours. My MIL was disgusted to find out that my dh ironed his own clothes (we shared the housework) and said that she didn't bring up any of her sons to iron their own shirts. To which I replied that it was about time dh learnt! This from a woman who used to iron dusters and underpants!!
MIL has come up with some lovely gems over the years but the latest was to inform me that it is cruel that ds is an only child!