I am ruining my relationship

[princessjellybeans]

I am behaving ridiculously. We've been together 6 months. He has always had female friends that he's gone out with - I have no reason to think they are anything other than friends but I'm jealous. No I'm not invited to go - it's usually work stuff but I have been places when they're there and we are and they're always nice enough. I have nothing in common with them.

But how do I stop this terrible jealousy eating away at me?

I think it's normal to feel a bit jealous but think about how you would feel if someone told you that you couldn't be friends with your old friends anymore. My husband was controlling and jealous, he never said I couldn't go but he made me feel terrible by being moody all the time. It's not healthy and it won't stop him wanting to go in the long run.

Be the person he wants to come home to would be my advice. Start how you mean to go on otherwise it will just be worse every time it happens

Yeh, I think it's normal to be a bit jealous as well. I'm not a jealous person but the type of man I end up in a relationship with doesn't usually have loads of female friends. They're usually friendly with women without having lots of close female friendships, which is how I am with men too.

There's a possibility this isn't working for you. YOu're trying to compete (on some level) with these female friends.

Don't forget that he might be spreading himself too thinly for what you want out of a boyfriend/relationship.

Try not to get jealous. Try to believe that you could have the self-efficacy to walk away from a relationship that causes you anxiety.

I used to find that hard too in earlier dating phases. But when you've done it once or twice it gets easier. You just shrug emotionally and you feel like ''nah, not right''.

That's good advice thanks but I can't imagine being able to just let him go. But actually he might well be spreading himself thin.

He probably isn't. You are worrying about something you have no control over. Stop worrying. If he is open with you there is probably nothing to be worried about.

I wouldn't have a partner who had female friends he regularly went out with on his own.

@princessjellybeans, I hear you that you don't think you can just walk away. I think that's a kind of scarcity mindset. I used to have that dating. I never used to believe there'd be another one along like a bus, ykwim?

But if you can't just walk away, remember that, he is spreading himself very thin and he's doing that knowing (?) that you have some insecurities in this area.

So he may not be unreasonable (arguably) but he is carrying on regardless of the insecurities his socialising causes you.

So as far as I can see these friendships existed prior to your relationship. You took him on and they were in effect a “ pre existing condition “. I think as long as he is not prioritising his friends over you then it’s very unreasonable of you to expect him to stop seeing them.