Madly in love, but potentially no future: what to do?

[JosephineMews]

Long time lurker and I just signed up to start this thread. I hope to get some objective perspectives to help me figure out my situation.

I met someone a few months ago, and it was essentially love at first sight for us both (I know, how cheesy!!). We have been together ever since (6 months), and he makes me incredibly happy. We got on like a house on fire, and the sex is amazing. He makes me feel attractive, special and loved. I have never felt this way about a man before, it is just fantastic.

I just turned 30, I have a fantastic career, I am financially stable and independent, I travel a lot. I don't want kids in the next couple of years, but I think I might want them in maybe 5/6 years. I am not 100% sure I will want kids on day though, but I am sure I don't want them right now. I know that leaving it so late might mean that I won't be able to conceive, but that is a risk that I am ok with.

Here's the catch. He is quite a bit older than me (15 years), divorced with 2 teenagers. We haven't discussed kids yet, but judging from a couple of comments he made, I don't think he is interested in having more kids in the future. He is a very committed and hands on dad (50% shared care, very involved with kids' daily life) but I doubt he would want to start from scratch again with a baby.

I know I will have to have an open conversation with him about this, and I will soon. However it would help me to hear other people's opinions on the situation to process my own thoughts and feelings, before I actually talk to him.

Would it be mad to just enjoy the relationship for as long as it makes me happy, but knowing deep down that it will potentially end one day over the kid issue? I am so blissfully happy right now, it feels mad to break up with him because in 5,6,7 years I might want a kid (and I am not even sure). Would it be stupid to just grab this chance at happiness for a few years, knowing that I will potentially have to walk away one day?

Thanks!

As long as YOU know that one day you might need to end it over the kid issue , I would let this run it’s course .

There are a lot of maybes here , so you should just let it happen . As long as you are sensible enough to walk away if you do decide you want kids and he doesn’t .

I wouldn’t waste too much time though, as if you do decide u want kids u need to be mindful of your age etc . There is a research that suggests that perhaps the maternal age and risk factors is being overplayed and that the mans age also plays a role in risk .

The question is , when you are 35 do you want to be having a baby with a 50 year old ?

If I was you , I would enjoy this for a year , stay in control of your feelings then end it .

But I’m a bitch and no it probably won’t be easy on you , and you will then take time to get over it etc ....

Only you know what is best

Only you know what's important to you. But, please don't underestimate what an important issue this might become for you. It's so easy to be OK with not having kids now, when you probably can. It's not the same as you get older.

Also, being with him might be the reason you don't want them yet, as in, maybe deep down, you know that he's not the one? You might feel very differently with someone you feel more compatible with.

The fact that you're asking on here makes me think that you might be better off ending it now and finding someone who wants what you want.

On the other hand, feeling happy is good. I can see why you're torn. I think I would ask myself what do I really want for my life? Maybe take it from there.

If you wait till 5 years to mention it and he's not interested... you will have wasted those years and time won't be on your side to start over, meet someone new and get to know them long enough before deciding to have a child.

That would take you to 35/36... meet a new fella...2 years before you get to know him to the point of having a baby... then you're 38...

A man who definitely wants children is taking a risk on a woman in her late 30s being able to conceive with no problems.

If course ppl will tell you they got pregnant at 43, 47 etc. Don't chance it.

My view is that at 6 months, you are still in the blissed-up honeymoon stage. I don’t believe in ‘love at first sight’. Interest, attraction, yes, but love comes later (sometimes) once you’ve actually got to know each other properly.

In another 6 months time, you may not feel the same way that you do now. Or he may not (though he probably will, because, frankly, what 45 year old divorced man with teenagers isn’t going to be very, very happy that he’s managed to pull a 30 year old financially independent woman).

I would ride this out for now, but I don’t think that you should hide the fact that you may want children some day. That way, if in 6 months’ time, your feelings for him are still as strong as they are now, he won’t feel that you were less than honest with him.