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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Practical presents

8 replies

Mythreeknights · 18/06/2019 14:19

It was my birthday last month and I'm still slightly smarting over what happened. My DH asked me to tell him what I wanted. I sent him 5 messages with links to the exact items I would have loved, all he had to do was put his CC details in and click 'buy' on one of them. (I had hoped he could see the sort of thing I liked from these messages and get something different along those lines, but would have been delighted if he'd bought any one of the items I'd sent him).
So, birthday arrives, and when he gives me my present, it is a family gift - not something just for me. This happens every single year, and every single year I get upset about it. One year it was a backpack, one year it was a set of garden chairs. One year I think he even gave me a compass. I'm not an outdoors adventurer! I just wanted something pretty.
He's not going to change, but I can't help being disappointed. The thing he got me was 3 times more expensive than the thing I wanted, and I don't understand why he couldn't for once, get me what I wanted on my birthday. He thinks I'm being unappreciative of the family gift, I think he's a dickhead for not just getting me something that I wanted, for once!

I'm feeling really blue about this. It's his birthday in a month and I'm tempted to do the same back, but honestly don't think he'd care and I also want him to see how much thought I put into his presents in the hope that one day he'll do the same. Anyone else in the same boat?

OP posts:
cocodash · 18/06/2019 14:24

Meee!!! !!! My DH is prolific at buying me shite presents.... I got a hover board for Xmas one year??? A hoverboard!!! And another year a spray tan booth (?)

This year for my birthday i specifically told him exactly what I wanted, sent him a picture of it, the shop etc and said I did not want anything other than this present. Was just a wee necklace and earring set from Warren James so was nothing fancy or expensive but it was what I wanted.

Have you spoken to your DH about this in the past? Made it clear he's shite at buying presents?

GinoPlaysTheTango · 18/06/2019 14:29

Yes, that is shit and I would be thoroughly pissed off if it happened to me.

That's not actually a birthday present for you, it's just some household stuff he feels like buying.

Has he never heard that it's the thought that counts? Zero thought has gone into thinking about you and trying to find something that YOU would like. You, personally. You're not really being seen as a person here and in a DH that is very disturbing. Even if he's crap at shopping, he actually had numerous suggestions from you (because he ASKED for them - why?!).

The only people I know who give presents like this are startlingly low on empathy. Sorry.

Qsandmore · 18/06/2019 14:31

Why did you not tell him when you opened it or before that you don’t want a bloody household item as a gift??

Don’t grump in silence tell him, he’s being a dick.

BentBaastard · 18/06/2019 14:31

Buy him something for the kitchen.

Buy yourself something pretty.

GinoPlaysTheTango · 18/06/2019 14:33

I was going to suggest spelling out to him exactly why you're unhappy with it, but it sounds like you already did that.

Personally in that situation I would choose one of the 5 suggestions you gave him, buy it, and give it to him for his birthday. Preferably a thing which only you will use. I doubt it will teach him anything useful, but at least that way you get something you want.

Mythreeknights · 18/06/2019 15:10

Gino I love that idea - buy him the thing I wanted (which was a dress) for his birthday. Brilliant.

OP posts:
Mythreeknights · 18/06/2019 15:12

Coco but I did that this year - I told him specifically what I wanted so as to avoid any confusion, and he still ignored me and bought a family gift instead.

OP posts:
honeylulu · 18/06/2019 18:52

Personally in that situation I would choose one of the 5 suggestions you gave him, buy it, and give it to him for his birthday. Preferably a thing which only you will use.

Oh yes to this! If he looks put out, just explain it's for the family to share.

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