Communication after a break up

[pisspants]

Me and bf had been together nearly a year and a half but in that time there had been a lot of ups and downs with similar issues cropping up that we have discussed repeatedly after other arguments and 1 other break up a few months back. Over the weekend the same thing came up again (sorry to be so vague but dont want to be outing) which is the same behaviour pattern and reaction from bf that has happened before and which I had said had to stop on previous occasions. There was no argument just he got himself in a tizz thinking I was messing him around (I wasnt and he misinterpreted my message and the type of slight rearrangement I was making he has done a lot more than me in the past). He then messaged basically ending it and blocked me on everything so I could not discuss it with him.
A couple of days later and he now wants to talk about it and explain himself. We have been over it all before in the past and when this has happened before he has been good at explaining away his behaviour, promising the world and saying all the right things then we end up back together again.
I had a shit weekend following being effectively dumped by text then blocked and am really done with the relationship. I just cant help shaking feelings of guilt if I do not chat to him about it all which is what he now wants to do. I have sent him a couple of messages explaining how angry and upset I am and my feelings so have not blocked him, but feel bad leaving it like this. so just looking for advice really. Dont want to be the bad guy.

Why are you being the bad guy. There is no bad guy in a split just a decision by one person that it isn’t working. He dumped you by
Text and now he wants to talk you round. You know he will so say no.

Instead tell you don’t think it is a good idea to meet and that you should both stop contacting each other.

thanks lemon. I have that sort of resolve and then I think am i being cold or hard hearted

Personally I think it is selfish for people who don’t want to be in a relationship to string someone along, especially in the weeks and days after a split. Meet ups to talk and hash through old ground allow the opportunity for reconnecting and never give you the chance or space to break the bonds. Going no contact for a period (or for ever) provides both people with the space to end to things emotionally and to gain perspective.

This guy keeps repeating behaviour which leads to a break, fight or argument. He does contrite and says it will never happen. Then it does and he repeats his behaviour. Because it has no consequences. He is on that cycle with you. He has been on that cycle before. He believes that anything he does will always be forgiven with a bit of chat and charm. Because that is his experience of life with you and others.

You presumably find him attractive and enjoy his company. Maybe even love him a bit. But for a long term relationship that isn’t enough. You can only commit to someone who offers a lot more than that. He needs to be trustworthy and reliable.

This chap isn’t and he isn’t a puppy to be trained.

It is not cold or hard hearted. It is being assertive and adult.

Why do you feel guilt?
You might want to look into that.
It's HIS behaviour.
It's HIS actions.
Fuck him.
You owe him nothing.
Move on - block, ignore, delete.
Job done!

you are absolutely spot on lemon and I glad that I have that here on record to go back to when start to doubt!
Thanks hellsbells - I realise I have some terrible codependent issues that I really need to work through! read codependent no more a couple of years back thinking I was sorted and have ended up in another codependent relationship! gah! def need to be single for some time to work this all through and focus on other things for while

I’d have been done the minute I was blocked. Had a boyfriend throw a hissy at me years and years ago because I was busy revising and didn’t want to go out. He very maturely (not) threw a temper tantrum saying I didn’t want to see him then told me it was over. Three days later same thing. Can we talk blah blah blah. Hell no. You chose this course of action, you made me feel like shit and I’m not going to emotionally manipulated!

Your ex guy has done the same. He chose it. He has no right to immaturely block all communication over nothing and then expect you to come crawling back. Feel no guilt and tell him to FO

Do you have young dc together? If not why keep in contact?

karigan - so want to send the fo message then think I dont want to be that harsh! I need to embrace my inner anger more i think!
and spud - no dc together.