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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Friends with benefits

1 reply

Crackerjack8919 · 17/06/2019 22:46

Hi everybody,
Me and my FB have been on and off for over 12 year. Hes the most amazing person ever. He will comfort me when I'm upset etc we have been through some ups and downs within these 12 year. But I feel like now's the time to take a step back so I can focus on my life a bit! I feel that if I don't speak to him properly about it, then things will just either carry on or end badly! I can't be the one who breaks him.

It started 12 year ago at my cousin's house, he had bene there for a party the night before and he left his number on the calendar. I didn't particularly pay much attention until he came back when I was there. We had a bit flirty banter and he asked if I wanted to go out for a drink some time, to which I agreed! The rest is history! We would hook up either after 1 of us had a night out or both. Then it would be sleepovers. We mutually agreed to stop that after the first couple of month. After we kept it just that (FB's), only hooking up once or twice in a month. A few month ago he wanted to come over more and more, one week he came over 3 times in 4 days. If Im stuck on an outfit etc he will help me choose what to wear ( he says to give me the wow factor). Recently I told him about someone who asked me out on a date. I know I shouldn't of, I speak before I think sometimes, and he said I should go for it. Then he didn't speak to me for two weeks lol and messaged rather huffily asking how it went! I told him something came up and I couldn't get to it and he was still off with me for days. We agreed from the start that it would just be benefits only, but I feel like I'm starting to see more of his behaviour changing. Like he's wanting to cuddle when he's here, spending longer at mine when he does come over, tickling my back and just pillow talk etc. Taking more of an interest in my life, that's not like it was before. Sometimes we can just watch a film together (rarely as 1 thing always leads to another) we just can't help it. Even if we just stop things for now and take a breather, how do I do it without upsetting him???

Sorry for the long post
Thank you

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 17/06/2019 22:53

Maybe I've missed the nuances of your relationship but it sounds to me like for a large proportion of your time 'friends with benefits' to you was actually him hoping for something more.

I think you've been a little unfair towards him as he's clearly making an effort to be more than FWB and you've continued to sleep with him and allowed him round multiple times a week.

This has gone on for 12 years so who knows when his feelings changed but that's a long time to be in a pseudo relationship with someone.

You're going to hurt his feelings either way because I think there's a bit of leading on/false hope been given. All you can do is be kind and stick to your guns. Do not say you're having a breather and then a week later have a film night as just friends and sleep together.

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