Coming out of a relation which had no intimacy

[HarmlessChap]

I've been with the same woman since the early 90's but the marriage is over now and we are amicably agreeing to split. For well over a decade intimacy has been massively lacking, not just sex but hugs kisses and so on, albeit a small part of that was the young children stage where it all goes out the window anyway.

I'm worried that if I do meet someone else I won't have any idea what is a "normal" level of intimacy and affection within a relationship.

I'm sure I'm not the 1st to feel this way, any advice or reassurance would be great and would it be wise to be frank with someone I may be chatting with (prior to dating) or would that be a red flag?

would it be wise to be frank with someone I may be chatting with (prior to dating) or would that be a red flag?

What is this question? Are you asking if you should be honest and open at the beginning of a possible relationship? Why would that be a red flag?

I'm not sure what exactly you are looking for here?

Are you asking if you should be honest and open at the beginning of a possible relationship?

I mean do you see how it goes or do you warn a potential partner of what was wrong your previous relationships and tell them what concerns you might have.

I'm not talking about honesty or dishonesty, simply the level of volunteering of information in early communications.

I do not think there is a "normal level".
I'm very tactile and affection is a big part of my relationship.

Just get out there, start dating and settle into what works for both of you.

I strongly suggest that you do not discuss levels of affection on a first date!

I think you are overthinking this OP. Really - you know what level of affection you like to show - what level you like to receive - and whether there is a deficit in either direction- when you start a relationship.
Sooo - why not see how it goes - maybe try to pawing and fawning over someone from the get go, but offer affection as seems comfortable and appropriate and wait to see what is reciprocated. If it comes back - all good - if it doesn’t, just don’t persist.

But don’t for God’s sake open up with tales of your cold fish of a previous wife - she will definitely be sitting on her hands and looking for the exit!! Keep things reciprocated and see.

• Try to avoid fawning

thanks for the advice and yes I'm probably over thinking everything at the moment!

I think if you want to explore things like that a couple of sessions with a counsellor might be a great way to do all of that and help you get some perspective .....

I second the advice about discussing this with a date, especially in the initial phases. Everyone is different when it comes to intimacy and the experience you have with one person can be totally different to another, I'm yet to meet two people that behave the same in a relationship so the best advice I could give is to get out there, date and go with the flow..... We're all winging it!

*not discussing