Another non starter

[leolion81]

So I've been single a very long time and occasionally use OLD to see what's out there but usually delete quick as I don't like the idea of putting myself out there. A few weeks ago however I came across an old school pal and we chatted, got on great, had a couple of dates, I really enjoyed his company and for the first time in years I considered the potential of a relationship. Maybe early days for that but it's unusual for me to feel even open to that.
One night we dtd and the next day all was well, he seemed as keen as ever and I saw him again that night. The next morning I sent a have a good day text, he didn't reply until the evening saying he'd been busy. I felt like he'd gone cold, got paranoid so didn't reply and left it there. A few days pass and still radio silence so I went on OLD out of curiosity and see he's updated pics which I knew were taken from the previous weekend. Decided to block him but now wondering did I overreact, maybe me not replying to his last text made him think I wasn't interested? People including friends often tell me I'm too guarded and have walls up although of course I don't realise this myself.
Honest thoughts appreciated!

I think blocking him was an overreaction under the circumstances. There are a lot of reasons why he might have replied that he was busy and it's not like you're exclusive at this point.

It's only been a few weeks and your setting tests?. He didn't reply immediately, but explained when he did and you ignored him for days as a 'test' of his interest. He sent the last message and you ignored it completely. He's not a mind reader. If someone ignored my text for days, I'd presume they'd lost interest (same as you did to him) and then you blocked him. That's kinda ghosting even if it wasn't your intention. Don't play games.

He's currently typing out a message on dadsnet saying he's been ghosted and he can't understand why.

You sound like hard work OP

Yes, you not replying made him think you were not interested. Imagine if he had done it to you?

didn't reply and left it there
Doesn't "left it there" mean that you gave up on the whole thing? He thought you'd dumped him, and was right? If not, what did you think would happen next, as I'm confused :)

Ok so I've overreacted, some friends say the same others say if he was interested/ bothered he would have been in touch the first few days of silence.
This is exactly the reason I've stayed away from men for so long and it seems I haven't learnt a thing in that time!
I suppose the question now is should I try and salvage this or accept I've made an idiot of myself and forget about it?

I think blocking him might have been an over-react, especially if he is saying he felt ghosted. A few days without talking to someone isn't a big deal. If he vanished and didn't talk to you for like 10 days or something THEN you could have blocked but you definitely over-reacted here by the sounds of things. That being said, maybe you instinctually knew he wasn't wanting more and it was that you acted on not so much the fact that he was late replying.

Anyway, chalk it up to mistakes were made and you'll learn from them next time. No don't contact him again, he will just think you are a messer about her and may even be tempted to mess you about in return.

He did message you first. He explained hed been busy and then YOU went radio silent and blocked him.

I'd move on. If they were into you, they would make the time to contact you.

I suppose the question now is should I try and salvage this or accept I've made an idiot of myself and forget about it?

Forget about it. Just learn from it and move on. After how you treated him, he’ll probably think you’re a head fuck. Really not worth it.
Good luck

His reply was I've been busy hope you've had a good day with no opener for a response from me, no asking a question for me to respond just hope you've had a good day. This is what I took as he doesn't want to chat further, if that makes any difference to why I didn't respond.

I agree with you. He would have made it obvious that he wanted to see you again if he was interested especially as you had just had sex. You would know if he wanted to repeat the experience.

You ended the relationship and blocked him because he took too long to reply to a text.

"Hope you've had a good day" is an opener for you to say how your day was. I think you had a bit of a knee-jerk reaction there.
I'd just leave it unless you can come up with a convincing story :)

To me that response wouldn't indicate anything untoward, but even if someone is really being quiet, there's nothing shameful in you still chatting away or asking if they want to meet up again. If he then responded that no, actually he didn't want to meet, or if he really did ghost you, you wouldn't have to be embarrassed that you had been expecting to meet again. There's no reason for you to think that he wouldn't like you, and every reason for you to think that he did like you. He went to bed with you, of course you'd be expecting another date.

Ravenmum think you've hit the nail on the head. I always feel like I'm wrong for expecting anything from a guy and embarrassed to want him to see me again after sleeping together, when really these are normal things to want, I just feel like I shouldn't if that makes sense.
My last relationship was abusive and I've no self confidence at all, that's why I stayed single to focus on other things, I don't think I'll ever be able to deal with a man in a normal healthy way again.

Sounds like I read the situation right, then ... it makes absolute sense to me as I've had self-esteem issues in the past, too. They aren't permanent, though, you know - you can work on it. Funnily enough, with me it took my exh running off with an OW and badmouthing me like mad to actually improve my self-esteem :) as I had some really useful therapy and medication for a while which has somehow left me in a more mellow place.

Personally, in this situation I wouldn't want to try again, as really the only way to explain the blocking properly would be to 'fess up and say that you thought he was trying to ghost you. If he was then still happy to try another date anyway, you'd still be on the back foot as you don't really want a virtual stranger to know any insecurities quite so quickly, do you?

Ah I'm sorry to hear that, I could probably do with counselling of some sort. I get told I'm attractive, funny, nice all of that but feel like I'm not good enough and don't deserve anything nice.
My insecurities probably stand out more than I realise and men do see that as unattractive so maybe that's what puts them off me so quick!

Get yourself some, or do you feel like you don't deserve that? :) The world of low self-esteem is not 100% logical :)

I don't think it's necessarily that it makes you unattractive; they might also just think you're not ready for a relationship, and don't want to get into anything too complicated.