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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Help for a friend!!

5 replies

Whattodo29 · 16/06/2019 20:20

A very good friend of mine is in what I would deem to be an abusive relationship.

They’ve been together almost 6 years and in that time he has eroded her self worth. She once fell over and he laughed and said ‘thank god your nose broke your fall’ knowing she really hated her nose (hated as she ended up getting surgery). Put her down in front on others, I mean on a bus while on holiday everyone was asked what they loved all the men on the bus said their SO and this jackass said all the other ladies. I know he also was caught sexting a few years ago although the girl he was msging confirmed nothing happened and she wasn’t aware he was with someone.

Now they have a DD together, she was an accident.. since her birth this ‘man’ child has done so little to help. Sitting around on the Xbox and when things go wrong with their DD, by that I mean she cries, he blames my friend for not being able to handle it.. even said that my friend finds their DD a novelty when the baby was barely 6weeks.

My friend has now tried to end the relationship... twice, once while suffering from PND. But he won’t take it, she told him look I’m not happy and he has pretty much said that she is making all these unilateral decisions because she got away to her mums before telling him. Now she feels guilty and didn’t end it and he is acting like things are fine and normal.

What I need is advice on how I can help my friend? I honestly think she should have just ended it via text, this prick has even joked about making their DD an orphan and pushing my friend down the stairs, how the fuck is that even a joke. Yet when confront he tells her he is just joking, goes silent on her or does the whole guilt trip - gosh makes me so angry typing this Angry

OP posts:
Whattodo29 · 16/06/2019 21:15

Bump

OP posts:
Hellywelly10 · 16/06/2019 21:18

Whats there housing set up?

Whattodo29 · 16/06/2019 21:26

He owns the flat they were staying in, currently staying with her Mum.

OP posts:
Tabitha005 · 16/06/2019 21:35

Offer your friend tea/wine, a sympathetic ear, help with researching her rights when it comes to money, child access/visitation, accompany her to solicitor's meetings (if it comes to it), bring biscuits, babysit, advocate for her right to be free of misogyny and emotional abuse, re-inforce her self-esteem, remind her she's worth more than being used to bolster someone else's shortcomings and, most of all, try not to get angry or upset in front of her - sympathise, empathise, but let her see you as a strong force for positivity.

Whattodo29 · 16/06/2019 22:17

Just wish I could do something to get him away from her, such an arsehole. But thank you PP i need to remember the positivity.

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