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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Do I stay or do I go?

4 replies

Ellaandlouisqueenandking · 16/06/2019 19:42

Hi. So, been married a decade. One lovely dd. Lost my Dad 4 years ago. Mum terminally ill and struggling to walk after several falls and is dialysis patient.

Drove DH to see his parents today. Made him special bfast and got our dd to give it to him. Got him some gifts and got dd to give them to him. Ended up with my Mum taggin along as her temple event got cancelled. Got to in laws home. He barely spoke to me or her. Went to cafe. He didnt say one word to me or my Mum. Then told we were all going park by MIL. I knew this would be struggle. He left cafe without saying a word to me and went off with some of his fam. I called after him and he ignored me. Then eventually he turned round. I told him Mum cant go park as its cold and she needs a rest and cant walk due to severe knee injury. He went into a strop and said it was up to dd what happened and she said she wanted to go park. I said get bus back. He got in a strop. So I drove Mum to park. She walked a little but it was a struggle. She held onto me the whole walk to stop her falling. Stumbled twice. I went and got car and told hubby I was going and so if he wants to get driven home he needs to leave now as there was nowhere to park and Mum was shivering in wind. He left in a huff. Only my SIL and little nephew came to say bye to us. Hubby asked if I was ok once Id driven him home and dropped Mum. I said no. I have a slipped disc and am in pain and you have hardly said one word to me all day. He said I had been emotionally abusive to him all day and expect him to ignore his family over me when im with him. I said if thats the case why did I drive you to see them? He didnt acknowledge me once all afternoon. He was then all sweetness and light when we got home. Yesterday he went to bed early even tho he promised he would watch a film with me. The only time he is affectionate is when he wants sex. I have had enough. He cant drive cos hes epileptic but I try and I am in pain and I have had enough. I feel he doesnt care at all. We will argue. He will never say sorry and always act nice and like nothing has happened after. I want to leave. But dont want to break up family and hurt my girl x

OP posts:
Antigon · 16/06/2019 20:37

I’m so sorry about your dad passing away and your mum bring so I’ll Flowers

I was sad reading your post. It must have been hard watching your mum struggle and DH ignoring you both. He’s supposed to support you. You did something nice by driving him to see his family and the lively breakfast and he repays you by ignoring you. And then gaslights you by saying you were emotionally abusive.

When the instinct is to leave, it’s rarely wrong because the desire to leave doesn’t come instantly, it’s usually a building of things that bring you to a realisation. I would leave. Your little girl will be happy if you’re happy. She’ll still have her dad.

Singlenotsingle · 16/06/2019 20:41

Leave, unless you want to carry on being treated like a piece of rubbish until DD is grown up.

Ellaandlouisqueenandking · 17/06/2019 19:57

Thanks guys. Totally confused. He is currently being nice. I dont know what to make of it.

OP posts:
honeygirlz · 17/06/2019 23:36

The nice doesn't last though does it? He knows he can't get away with being mean/rude all the time and he may even feel a bit of guilt, but not enough to stop treating you like this.

Plus his family aren't around so it's easier to be nice to you. When he's back eith his family, you'll be back in the background again.

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