Crossed the line?

[knackeredandsome]

I've posted on here a couple of times about issues between me & DH (I don't drink. Feeling isolated. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3466641-i-don-t-drink-feeling-isolated )

Today I think he's crossed the line, but I need to know AIBU?

We went out for a Father's Day lunch with DC/ DGPs/ DGGPs today. It was agreed I would drive back, so I already knew DH would have a few drinks, which I was ok about. I wasn't paying much attention (DS is poorly with high temp & was miserable all through lunch, so I was mainly with him). But I think DH had min 2x pints of lager (over a period of 2hrs with big dinner). He categorically said 2 pints.

This eve DS was exhausted and I gave him an early bath/bed and DH and DD had some time together. They went to the shop to get supplies (I suddenly realised he had driven her there, but bc of meal/ time I let it go). But, when they got back, they told me they had bumped into our 'friends' (a whole different story) who live opposite the shop, and they hung out for a bit with the kids. I asked if he had had a drink, and if he drove. He said yes he had driven but "only had a bottle of beer" (1/2 pint) whilst there.

I AM FUMING. I know I don't drink, and we have had many issues surrounding his relationship w/ booze (which I have usually put down to my own anxiety about the subject). At the very least he would have had 1/2 pint with these "friends" but still I believe he has crossed the line by driving DD home.

The laws on drink driving are so confusing I can't prove my point from a legal standpoint, so I am only going off my gut. But my gut is absolutely on fire! I feel totally sick about it. I don't know what to do!! AIBU? In a way I hope I am bc if not, I honestly don't know where we go from here...

PS. we have literally just made up from the last 'test' and I am losing hope. I am feeling pretty much as low possible about us.

He shouldn't of driven. My partner was banned 18m ago for 3 years. He had 2 pints in the pub (round the corner from our house) got pulled outside the house. Although we are still together, I'm still angry about it. He could of hit someone. I drink but won't drive at all when I've had even half a glass of wine. It's not worth it and it's selfish. Sorry no advice on the relationship side but it very nearly split us up. God even typing this I'm angry again

Yes its confusing but I would say 2 1/2 pints (I suspect he had more) would put him over with your daughter

and he makes everyone still around the pub

I dont mind a drink but this would cross my lines

FYI - his argument (not that we've managed to talk for more than 5mins about it) is that he had a big meal with 1st two pints, and several hours (3) had passed before the last beer.

Yes, its not an argument that has much wait. It would take hours for that much alcohol to go through his system. He was impaired with you child in the car.

Is that he or your risk to take

I would be furious about this!

I would be fuming!

All depends on timing. It takes 1 hour to process 1 unit of alcohol from the time you stop drinking. A pint contains 2 or 3 units depending on strength. If he drank a lower strength beer and had his last drink at 2pm, then drove at 6pm then he has very probably processed all the alcohol.

I think you burn off one unit per hour

He possibly would have been under the limit

The chances of it just been 2 pints and 1/2 pint I suspect are low though

Also was he drinking low or high strength beer as one is 2 units the other is 3

The point is even on his argument he doesnt know - you cannot state he was over but equally he cannot be sure he wasnt many factors are in play

And for me the fact is HE COULD have been over the limit and still drove with his child and indeed had further alcohol is a deal breaker

He is totally in the wrong he put drinking over the safety of your child

I'm going to sound harsh so apologies but I don't give a scuttering fuck about the maths.

If he had an accident while your DD was in the car and you found out he'd had 1/2 pint (ignoring what he'd had earlier), would you ever forgive him? I know damn sure I wouldn't.

Another viewpoint, if he had been alone in the car but had hit a pedestrian or another car and caused injury or fatality, would would he say? It was only 1/2 pint?!

I could Google how long alcohol takes to leave your system or how eating slows down alcohol absorption or even how alcohol affects reaction times in addition to braking times (of the car). To be blunt, I don't give a damn.
He had a drink.
He drove a car.
He's a fuckwit.

@Soconfusedandlost my sentiments exactly.

Urgh cue an(other) evening of me sobbing and trying to get my point across and DH doing his best "you're a psycho" face. I'm gutted and now feel humiliated and silly.

I don’t see how you can’t take the moral high ground here, when he had 2 pints 4/6 units, drove and that was ok? But the half wasn’t? I personally don’t drink after any alcohol at all nor would I let any1 drive my child around

I'm not teetotal. I enjoy drinking and would love to get chances to do more of it. However I cannot agree with anyone having a drink and getting behind the wheel of a car, same as having a joint and driving or doing a line or taking a pill to change their mental faculties.

I have been involved in a car accident where a life was lost (no alcohol or wrongdoing involved) and it is the single most traumatic experience of my life. If something happened to your DD or anyone else because of his drinking, you won't forgive him and he will never forgive himself

This is not your fault.....he is deflecting because deep down he is a dick...just tell him in future you and Daughter will not under any circumstances get in the car with him if he has been drinking.....the amount doesn't come into it....end if conversation

He would be well under the limit. 2 pints is about 5 units. You burn a unit an hour. Several hours later he had another unit.

My husband has been breathalysed after 2 pints with a meal and there was no issue.

This seems a massive over reaction

I’ve just read all the posts. There’s a limit for a reason and that reason is that under it your driving isn’t impaired

Sobbing all night?

Sorry but I think you’re over reacting. As others have said, he’s more than likely under the limit due to the length of time between the drinks. Also he’d had a big meal.

Well doing the maths, and assuming it was regular beer he’d have 4 units over 2 hours. 2 units would be metabolised with lunch leaving 2 units left over.

Then there was a three hour gap, which would allow the remaining two units to wear off so the half pint would be starting from scratch really.

BUT that assumes low-ish strength beer and being generous with times. It also assumes he’s being honest about what he drank, and you don’t sound like you trust him with booze.

Even if he was borderline, he shouldn’t have driven.

@Jaffacakebeast the teetotal OP drove back from the restaurant. He went out without her knowing

Technicalities aside, really when we get down to it, do you like living like this? Sounds shit tbh.