New relationship as a single parent

[helpme12335]

After separating from my partner and daughters dad last year I've started dating again and times have changed since I was lay single so much I'm after a bit of advice if possible.

I met a guy online earlier this, he has children too who he has half of the time. My daughter also spends half the time with her dad. We were seeing each other for about 6 weeks, maybe twice a week however work commitments meant this fizzled out.

We started seeing each other again probably 6 weeks ago and again seeing each other a couple of times a week.
He works away a lot and has his children 3 nights a week so often plans are last minute. We usually go for dinner or he'll cook - proper dates not just booty call.
He's met my friends, I haven't met his yet mainly because he usually comes to my home town as it's easier for work etc for both of us. However between dates I don't hear a great deal from him. We usually communicate by text or occasional phone cal atleast every other day but not as much as I'm used to. I've spoken to him about this and he said he's busy with work and the children often when we aren't together.
My heads question is am I been unreasonable to expect him to communicate more? In my opinion if you are really interested in someone you'd want to speak to them as often as you can not just making plans and the odd how are you. Do you think he's not that in do me? Or do I need to accept he's just busy and not a great communicator?

Hmmm, I'd love a relationship too I really would, but i'm not sure a man who works away a lot AND has his kids 3 nights a week is really relationship material, sorry, I just can't see how he can fit everything in.

One of the reasons I suspect I've been single for so long is because I insist on being someones priority if i'm in a relationship with them. Don't get me wrong, - I know kids come first and i'm absolutely fine with that. BUT - i'm next. Not work, golf, ex wife, dog, parents, friends, pub. ME.

Otherwise, really, whats the point?

I’m in a very similar situation myself been dating a guy for 6 weeks, first it was once a week now it’s twice a week. In real life he seems really into me, we’ve been on lots of good dates and have a massive spark. As soon as date is over communication is very far and few between. We text each other at night but in the day it’s rubbish I have to refrain from messaging him!
A few people have said to me if he really likes you he might just be playing hard to get and doesn’t want to seem over enthusiastic in case it puts you off?!
Maybe it’s a man thing, but I can understand your frustration, it is really annoying. Has he told you he likes you?

Thanks for your replies.
So he works away some days but not all week and hopefully it won't be for ever, it's just where the work is at the moment.
Obviously in time I'm guessing we will meet each other's children which would make things easier.
Yes he has told me he likes me. He often stays over and we've spent a couple of weekends together.
@Nobbybobbly it's good you text on a night. We rarely text through the day and even on a night it's limited. He'd alway replies if I text him but I've just left him too it. Do you speak every evening?
we are both late 30's and have active social lives, demanding jobs and children. I don't want to scare him away by asking what's going on but I don't want to waste my time either.
I think I just need to chill out and see what happens x

Him staying over and weekends away is a good sign. We’ve never done that, he’s 10 years older than me (39) and just waiting for a mortgage to go through so we’re both living with parents temporarily which makes things hard. But good in a way as get to go on some enjoyable dates. How far in was it when you spent a weekend together? We never speak on phone but text yes.
I feel exactly same as you I don’t want to ask him what’s going on in case it scares him but just want some sort of clarification. We need to do it in a lighthearted way, it is easier said than done though to chill out isn’t it. Why can’t men be like us and give some sort of indication.

Oh I'm sure it will all work out, be much better when you can stay at each other's house. If I were you I'd be suggesting a night away in a hotel before the mortgage goes through.

I think older men are generally more laid back with texting etc. My ex was a few years older than me and he was the same. It's funny actually we are still friends and I spoke to him about this earlier and he basically said I'm demanding and to relax and see what happens!
Do you or the guy you're seeing have children?
Well as I say we were seeing each other earlier this year and often stayed at each other's places. When we started talking again we went out for dinner and then he came back to mine, we walked in the house and continued watching the Netflix a series we'd been watching earlier in the year where we left off. It was like we'd never been apart.
I think we'd been seeing each Other a couple weeks again and he came down Friday night and didn't leave until the Sunday, unplanned though.
Yes I said I don't want you sleepin with me and staying here if you are seeing other women and he said I don't have time for other women, I barely have time for you. and a couple of times when his phones beeped and he's jokingly said oh it's my other girlfriend.
I guess I just need to accept if he's making the half hour drive to mine, taking me out for dinner or cooking for me then his actions speak louder than words. And he's just an ignorant bloody texted. Xx

I don't think texting every other day is unreasonable. It seems quite normal to me. Do you want to be pestered all the time with your phone beeping?

From what you say, he seems to really like you so take heart from that but do take it easy, be cool and enjoy each date as it happens.

Hope all works out well for you .

Why don’t you message him? I am not a big texter but my DP is and while I’d happily text him good morning when I wake up and see him when he came home from work in the evening, he likes to ring and text throughout the day. Because he likes this level of contact, he has to initiate it. It’s just not something I find important x

@Nobbybobbly you're waiting for your mortgage to go through with him but not sure where you stand in terms of the relationship - am I reading that correctly?

@newmomof1 no I think he's waiting for his own mortgage to go through

Are you sure you are the only one?

Yeah I'm pretty sure im the only one. He's not that type and when he isn't with me or with children he is usually in touch and sends pictures of what he is doing etc.