Getting over a betrayal

[madcatladyforever]

How do you get over a terrible betrayal? I feel as though I'll never be able to trust anyone again.
Married for 20 years, basically supported this person, paid for everything for the majority of our relationship.
Did everything as he was basically a slob.
He buggered off when I became seriously ill knowing I would not be able to pay the bills as I couldn't work and would be stranded as I was too ill to do anything.
I've pulled through, managed to keep my home and started work full time again even though I am not really well enough to work full time.
Looking back at what I've written I've seen the obvious that I didn't see at the time - living with a cocklodger who did not invest in me and who decided to leave as soon as I was no longer of any use to him. That much is obvious.
But despite that realisation I still feel devastated and betrayed even though it was three years ago.
How do I even begin to get over this.
I came off my anti-depressants three weeks ago so I've stopped feeling dead and the grief of it all has really hit me like a hammer.

It sounds like you have already made your mind up but what you've been saying about him. He's betrayed you and acts like that? Unfortunately that doesn't sound like Love.

Trying to think how I would feel in your shoes and I think the thought 'its been three years since he did this horrible thing and he hasn't apologised or given any sort of explanation or given me any closure' would be ratteling around inside me driving me round the bend. Even though, it sounds like you know now that he is an unempathetic, using piece of shit - I think there might be part of you that just cant compute how anyone could be so fecking...empty, cruel...and how all those years could have meant nothing and how he cant even be sorry for abandoning you.

Anyway, feel it. Feel the anger and the sorrow and the hate. But give yourself an expiration date for those feelings and after that point,, when you feel them bubbling up - don't give them that space in you. I found things like dancing about to music whenever anger boiled up about a certain person for me, really helped. Like dance until you are to exhausted to be mad xD I think running might be a preference for others. Maybe it's the endorphins. Deep down you know HE was the one with the problem, not you. And you are responsible for making your own closure. And closing the door on that chapter of your life.

Thanks teaforthewin that sounds like sound advice to me, I'm going to give it a cut off date and after that he will be dead to me.

Counselling helped me. Might be worth a look. Twenty years is a long time, let yourself grieve and feel it all as it is a process that needs to be worked through.

I honestly don’t know OP. I haven’t managed it and it’s been years now.
I no longer think about my ex, I honestly don’t feel angry or even bitter - maybe a bit contemptuous if I do think about him, that’s all.

But I’ve not wanted to start another relationship. For me trust in men has gone. They have totally different values that I want nothing to do with.

So I’d love to know if you work it out. And you aren’t the only one.