What is the protocol with Father's Day when you have split?

[CheesecakeAddict]

I am meeting with 'D'h and MIL this afternoon for Father's Day. Mostly because I took the car when I walked out and I have agreed that he can have contact today for Father's Day. We split up a month ago, should I have got him a card/present? I hoped DD would have brought something back from nursery but they know i was leaving an abusive relationship so i think they didn't get her to join in making anything in case she didn't get to see her dad.
What about the day itself? It's too far for me to drop off, go back home to then come back to pick up as it's an hour each way. I think there is the expectation that I will join in the family meal, but we are still in an awkward stage and I would much prefer to go shopping/get my eyebrows done/go for a coffee and read a book as I don't get much down time now as a single mum. Would this be exceptionally rude?
What is the deal?

And then he threw his mum out and served me with documents saying he is suing me for the right to know my address (I am in a safe house), that hitting me was an accident and therefore poses no risk to the child and then wants 2 days a week with me doing all the pick off and drop offs. Someone pass me my crown, I'm done being a doormat.

In my first act of defiance, which may get me zero love on mn, is I'm going to post a picture of my daughter on my facebook account which he forbid me to when she was born

Hold your head high, OP. You tried.

Hell mend that pathetic excuse for a human being.

Oooh, what documents?

I'm a family solicitor, fascinated to know exactly what he's done.

No need to expand if you choose not.

Don't use your daughter that way and ffs block him on your social media. This isn't a game.

He definitely doesn’t have the right to know your address. I spent time in a safe house, and one of the conditions was that the address was confidential. If it’s women’s aid that you’re with then you should have a support worker. Please speak to them. They may also have someone who can specifically help with the legal side of things. Otherwise make an appointment with a solicitor ASAP. Your daughter may also need support if she is witnessing all this.
Stay strong OP.

If you had said that you left him because he was violent and that you and your Dd were in a safe house, you might have got different advice about going for lunch with him and his mother.

Have you a solicitor and / or a refuge case worker and and what do they say about arranging contact ?

@greyrockblock up until now I haven't. I have said she is his daughter too and have said he can see her whenever he wants. Literally whenever. He is using her a weapon and all of this is a control method.

@ColdTattyWaitingForSummer I have texted our social worker asking her to ring me first thing tomorrow and Wednesday is legal aid morning, so I will attend that session.

@IM0GEN I know I know. I'm an adiot. And a stereotype. Part of me hoped we would get back together again eventually. His lashing out at his mum today brought it all back. 😭

Honestly I think in this situation a legally binding contact schedule will be better for everyone than ad hoc contact. Because he will use it to manipulate you. Handovers can be done in a neutral place as well, and you definitely don’t have to be present for contact. If you’re worried (understandably) about your daughter’s safety on visits, then a contact centre may well be an option.
Glad you have support in place that you can access next week. Make sure you tell them what happened today, and don’t minimise it to them, which I know we can tend to do.

I'm more fuming than anything by the lawyer's letter. He totally minimises the abuse. It was just a little bottle of mayonnaise. It was an accident. He isn't a danger. He threw a bottle of mayonnaise at me from across the room, hard enough to wind me then kicked me. All in front of our child!!!!

Then honestly you need to focus on helping your child. She witnessed that assault and that will have impacted her (even if she seems fine). I really don’t mean to sound harsh, and I have been through similar, but this man is not worth running round for, or considering going back to. Take all the support you can get, and focus on you and your dd. You could probably still consider reporting him to the police, even if you didn’t at the time.

I'm going tomorrow morning to the police. He might be the father of my child but he does not get to control me any longer. 💪

Good luck OP xx

I've broken down on my way to drop dd off at nursery so I can go to the police station. Is that a sign or just bad luck?

I assume women's aid have told you that reporting his violence is a good idea. It usually is. So do it. It's likely to help your case in the future to have this recorded. You don't need any signs. Good luck.

Yes they were the ones who persuaded me. I feel so strong and so weak at the same time. This is scary

I have no advice really but wanted to say you sound very strong in the face of what is happening. Good luck OP

Pog is right, you don’t need a sign.

Listen to your advisors.

I hope you get your car fixed and have a good meeting with the police.

Stay strong.