Confused about relationship

[JeremyCorbynsCoat]

DP and I have been together for around 5 years now. I had a DS when we got together (he was just over 1 at the time) and he has a DS from a previous relationship.

We also have a DS together who's 18m old.

Recently I've been questioning our relationship. I have gone back into employment after being a SAHM for years and although it's given me a confidence boost it's also opened my eyes a bit - I work in construction so a very male dominated industry.

DP and I have been rocky for a long time. We haven't slept in the same bed for over a year, don't have sex very often (maybe once every few months). This isn't for his lack of trying, I just don't want to.

Suffer from absolutely horrendous anxiety mostly around health related things and have such a sense of 'karma' as such, that if I do or say anything bad then I will get seriously ill or die etc. I also retreat into myself quite a lot which must just be awful for DP to watch as he loves me, he really does. And I love him too but there's just no spark.

At the minute the only thing keeping me here is the children, I don't want my DS to end up without w father figure (his own dad is useless) and I'm worried that if something happens to me there will be nobody keeping my boys together. And I don't want to leave DP as it would totally break his heart but recently I've found myself speaking to a man I met through work, absolutely nothing physical has happened but we have flirted, and I just feel like the worst person because if I'm doing this then it's obviously a sign that something is really really wrong.

Please don't trash me to bits, I'm aware just how awful I am, but I'm just at my wits end with not knowing what to do anymore.

Is it the bloke at work that has made you think your relationship has no spark?
Have you considered couples counselling?
Don't flirt with your colleague, that way lies madness, you must have seen the threads on here where posters have become infatuated with workmates and messy fallout that it causes.

No it's had no spark for a long long time. It's just made be realise that it's not just a lack of sex drive on my part

Are you receiving any treatment for your anxiety? ADs, CBT, talk therapy?

I think you need some help working through your feelings and controlling your anxiety. Maybe then you could work out whether you want to leave, or stay and try to rebuild something.

CBT could really help with your anxiety and you can self refer for online sessions. But being referred for face to face would probably be of more use. So that to control your anxiety, then counselling to think about whether you want to leave the relationship.

I'm on ADs and have had a few courses of CBT

Have you talked to your DH about how you feel? If you really feel that the spark is gone, then you need to tell him, so you both have the chance to rebuild your lives separately.

I can't help feeling the flirtation with the bloke at work has triggered some of your dissatisfaction.