Need to end it - but how?

[Emerald46]

I've name changed and just need to 'talk this through', I think. I've been with my bf for 18 months. He is a really kind, supportive, friendly and lovely guy but I just don't love him. I like pretty much everything about him but I don't feel sexually attracted. I have wanted it to watch so much. I thought I was falling in love, we've had a great time together and he is good company so I really thought we could have a happy future together. I think I really need to end it. I'm gutted - my family and friends all think he's great. I'm middle aged and it's not like I'm some great catch who has men swooning (don't need a man but would like to meet someone I want to spend rest of my life with at some bloody point!) Also, he's a great catch so I'm sure he will meet someone nice who loves him for who he is and he will eventually be much happier than he is with me. BUT at the moment, he loves me and I know he will be really upset. So, I know I have to end it but it's so hard knowing you're going to make someone feel like shit. I need to go and see him and talk things through with him face to face, don't I?. I need to do it as soon as possible now. But in the meantime, he's suggesting loads of nice activities we should do together - I think he suspects I'm going to end it so he's trying to stop that from happening. I don't know what I'm asking here...maybe just for reassurance that ending things is the right thing to do! Or how I do it without causing too much hurt?

Sexual attraction is part of the package for me. Yes you have to do what's right for you. Yes he will be hurt, but you will hurt him further down the line if you don't do it now.

Thank you @windmillwhirl. I agree it's kinder to be honest now rather than prolong things. However I guess I'm concern d that I'm being shallow and/or expecting too much. Every thing else apart from the sexual attraction is there. But I suppose sexual attraction is important - when I look back I never felt that elusive spark...it started as friends and we kind of slowly hot together. I am worried I'm being shallow but don't think I'm a shallow person. It snot that I want someone who looks like Brad Pitt..it's more that I want to find my partner sexually attractive regardless of whether other people do. I look at my bf and live his smile and cam see that he's an attractive, genuinely lovely man. But somehow that doesn't seem to be enough 😞

It depends what you want, really. I think often the lust part fades after a while and gets replaced with something deeper. That initial spark is based on a drama, a 'will he wont he' feeling, whereas long term it feels less dramatic (less of that feeling of butterflies) and more of a glow maybe? I wouldn't throw an otherwise good relationship out without some work on it.

You just have to bite the bullet, I think. It's too cruel to do it in any other way but in person. If you need to cushion it, just put it down to being too independent and not wanting to settle down.

You say you are middle aged - me too ( or probably older). To me, sexual attraction isn't a big thing at all, and in all honesty I've never felt any spark with DH. And yet here we are, so happy and enjoying our life together for 12 years with no problems at all. We met 15 years ago and there wasn't a spark then, but a very deep friendship and love which is plenty enough for me.

I guess a lot depends on what he wants too - does he have the spark ? Is in sexually attracted to you ? If your relationship is very unbalanced I guess you might have to move on, but if you both feel the same way, it can work as I can attest to.

Think it through before you throw everything away - I'm sure it's worth giving this relationship a bit of time and consideration. Good luck.