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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Did you fall for your husband before he fell for you?

35 replies

Datinggal · 14/06/2019 21:23

If so, how was it? Did it take ages or grow slowly?

Just thinking about how things can go at different paces for different people sometimes. Most people I’ve met and my last relationship it took me ages to feel the same, although I did in the end. I’ve not been on the other end of it!

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Original poster

Datinggal · 14/06/2019 21:23

*and grow slowly

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Original poster

Datinggal · 14/06/2019 21:29

And also, did you find it hard if you felt he was ‘the one’ or ‘the right one’?

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Peakypolly · 14/06/2019 21:38

I knew after our second date that I would like our relationship to be ‘forever’.
We met at the end of May and DH had a holiday booked for the July with his mates. Apparently I said “When we go away together next summer, I think we should go to ...” on our third date. He thought, bloody hell, she is a bit of a nutter, no way we will still be together next summer! But - 30 years later, I was right! Once my hooks are in, that is it.
He says it took him about 5 months to be sure and we got engaged after 9 months.

Original poster

Datinggal · 14/06/2019 21:40

peaky how did you deal with that, did you mind feeling in the deep end while he wasn’t in the same place?

I ask because generally people get ahead of themselves with me and I’ve never felt that...but I think this time I might be in this position!

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coffeeagogo · 14/06/2019 21:48

I knew on our second date that I wanted to marry him. I told him I loved him first, he said thankyou... It didn't feel great waiting for him to catch-up but I was smitten from the start

Original poster

Datinggal · 14/06/2019 21:48

coffee when did he say it back?!

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coffeeagogo · 14/06/2019 21:57

Honestly I can't remember it's a long time ago now but probably about 6-9 months after me. I am far more emotional than him generally, he is much more considered and deliberate, doesn't rush into things and doesn't say things he doesn't mean.

troppibambini · 14/06/2019 21:57

We went away after being together for six weeks.
He told me he loved me then. I liked him a lot but was wary, I had a two year old daughter he hadn't met and had only seen one side of me and hadn't seen me in "mummy mode" we were in an amazing hotel in a glamorous location.
For him it was normal it wasn't for me. I was a single mum working full time to support me and my daughter he was used to living life to the max with no financial worries.
I really fell in love with him later when I saw how he was with my daughter. She had no contact with her dad and he took her on,bought us all a lovely house and provided everything for us.
We are still together 12 years later and now have four children in total.

My arsehole ex also had two older children with his ex, they also don't see him but they spend lots of time with us my dh always made them welcome they often come at Christmas and we do things together as one family.

Writing it down actually makes me realise he's quite special

troppibambini · 14/06/2019 21:58

Sorry actually ignore me I've just realised my story is the complete opposite to what you asked!!

SevenStones · 14/06/2019 21:59

He does sound really special! What a lovely man.

growlingbear · 14/06/2019 22:00

Yes but I literally fell for him within minutes of meeting him. It was an 'Oh it's you' moment, where I suddenly realised why I'd had no luck with anyone else. I just knew I'd marry him. He says he's very glad I didn't mention this because he would have run screaming from scary mad woman as it took him an entire evening to feel the same.

Peakypolly · 14/06/2019 22:01

I was so young (21) and arrogant about myself in those days Datinggal I wasn’t bothered at all, I was sure he would realise what a catch I was eventually.
Ahhh, the confidence of youth.

user1497997754 · 14/06/2019 22:03

I knew my hubby was the one when we first met and he asked me if I would like to see a picture of his girlfriend. I didn't know he had one.....but disappointed I said yes.....he opened his phone and the photo was of his collie dog Millie she was 17. It was a great relief....we have been married 13 years next week x.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 14/06/2019 22:04

DH fell for me first, but it was a whirlwind romance so there wasn't a lot in it. I knew I loved him when he walked me home and stayed talking outside my front door until the sun came up, but didn't tell him straight away.

Mrskisses · 14/06/2019 22:04

Yes. Took him around 5 months including a mini split when he wasn’t sure how he felt. To be honest I think the rest of our 20 year relationship has been me being totally in love with him and him being a bit meh about me. Sob......

FrankT · 14/06/2019 22:07

It was pretty quick for us both. I think I properly felt it first but he actually said it first.

Newmumma83 · 14/06/2019 22:08

I think me and my husband got there about the same time ... but I have never said I love you until it is said to me first and only if I mean it.

I have been on the reverse where a boyfriend said he loved me I. Front of his parents i was 21 and I said thank you ... I split with him a few months later as I just wasn’t getting the vibe

Another boyfriend once spoke about holidaying in the future it was then I realised I was having fun but wasn’t series or in same place so I split with him too ( about 5 months before my brothers wedding ... he was his best man and best mate ... cringe ) I really likes him as a friend but I couldn’t keep a friendship because he was so sad.

Also been engaged and in love and been cheated on

And my first love when I was 18 was never in the same place I was ... it was awful ( hence I had a rule of breaking it off when I realised I wasn’t catching up emotionally ... it’s just not fair / and people deserve better )

DearLady · 14/06/2019 22:10

We both knew straight away. We did have a make or break moment, though, before getting married.
I would have broken his heart. The decision to get married was something I had to be very clear on, not just a reaction to his proposal (he didn’t really do that anyway, we talked about getting hitched).

Cocolapew · 14/06/2019 22:20

DH mentioned going on holiday together on our first date, I nearly shit a brick .
He told me he loved me first, within days,and I told him about a week after, so there wasn't much in it. We were married within a year.
My relationship before him was definitely him liking me much more, for a good few months. I nearly broke up with him at 6 weeks because he was so intense.
I did stay with him for 4 years and we were engaged so must of liked him eventually

Moonflower12 · 14/06/2019 22:54

@growlingbear
I had the same thing. No great fireworks but almost as though my soul(?) for want of a better word recognised him. We were teenagers and split up later but got back together. He says he always knew I was the 'one' and I'd come back to him!

SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace · 14/06/2019 23:07

I honestly had a kind of love at first sight moment with DH. Just knew he was the one.

He came in to my place of work with mutual friends. Saw him again few months later and felt exactly the same and again a few months after that which was when we started to get to know each other. I told him I fancied him on a night out (about 6 months after meeting for the first time, he doesn't even remember our first meeting. Or our second for that matter!) and within week I had told him I loved him. He kind of apologised and said he wasn't 'there' yet but honestly I was find with that. He said he loved me too the following day

It's funny because even though there was such an imbalance in the beginning I know he is absolutely head over heels in love with me now. I didn't realise I could ever mean that much to someone.

Original poster

Datinggal · 15/06/2019 18:48

These stories are nice to read!

I think I am in a bit too deep with this one and no idea really if he feels the same at all! Only met once and second date tonight.

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diamanter · 15/06/2019 19:00

Some lovely stories. Everyone deserves to feel that kind of love from someone.

Nillynally · 15/06/2019 19:11

Fell in love with husband when we were 19 and he told me a story about how he drove through London traffic when he was 17 to pick up a pair of straighteners for his ex gf whilst she screamed at him down the phone for two hours. I think he took a little more persuasion involving good cooking and good sex.... He is still just as kind hearted 12 years later, but I like to think I treat him a lot better than she did!

Ginger1982 · 15/06/2019 19:17

I knew after our first date that DH was something special but initially I felt he was a bit full on. He would text me constantly, which after years of singledom or crap boyfriends, I found a bit overwhelming. He told me he loved me first by text and I replied the same. I think I had been wary of saying it before.

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