My DM is being a bitch!!

[Moofreemum1]

I have a date with a man next week and he seems lovely from just speaking with him so far. He has Asian ethnicity in him and English. I showed my mum a picture of him and she turned around and went "He looks muslim" then a load of comments of how I shouldn't go on a date with him, he looks horrible etc. I am so angry at her for being racist and judgemental! Both my parents are racist and I hate, absolutely hate it! They are both so small minded. And I know what she is going to do try put me off any chance she can. She always has it she doesn't like the look of them. Any Any thing ethnicity other than white/British then she has a bad opinion. In our last conversation I actually told her to f**k off because i was so enraged with her.

Sorry to hear your parents are racist shitbags.

I think the only thing you can do with relatives like this is to go very low contact. They are never going to change their opinions. They are stuck in their Daily Fail reading ways.

Looks Muslim, hmmm so how would she feel about a white Bosnian Muslim, who doesn't look like a typical Muslim to the average Muslim hater?!!

Hi op if you like him its your choice who you go out with
My dd is going out with a boy of same race you describe and he is lovely to her. Never judge someone on their race give him a chance don't introduce him to your parents keep your love life from them and when they see how happy he makes you they will hopefully accept your choice.

@mcmen71 100% will be keeping him away from them if it goes well! He doesn't deserve that kind of racist, judgemental behaviour.

Have you told her every time she makes a racist comment that it's racist.

@Harleys extremely small minded. And she tries to put me off him but it's not going to work. Maybe when I was young and didn't want to go against them but now I have a voice and confidence to say my own mind. It honestly makes me so angry

How old are you?
How old is the guy?
Not that it matters but what is the guys ethnic make up?
You shouldn't have to, but if he's not Muslim, and his Asian heritage is e.g. Christian Sri Lankan, would she back off then?

There is 5 year age difference between us and his ethnic make up makes no difference to me. She is clearly the one with the issue. So if she carries on then I will just stop talking to her

Definitely don't tell him your mother's views.
It may put him off.
I had something similar, I lost interest in the guy when I learned his family were racists, even though he wasn't. Not worth the hassle.

No I definitely won't @Harleys
I needed to vent somewhere! I just think she is shocking with her views

When it comes down to it, she'll accept it, not many parents want to lose their kids.
It's early days so she's trying to put you off.

My family are the same so I get it. Just a word of warning though. Is he Muslim? I worked with a Muslim guy. He had an arranged marriage but used to pretend to be single and use dating sites to go round shagging white women. No remorse at all. Him and his brothers and cousins all did it. So you want to be careful as somebody from that culture is likely arranged for already and not truly available. Just be careful.

Absolutely ridiculous to say that because he 'looks muslim' or is Muslim this means he is just looking to shag around, based on one guy you knew who did this. That is most definitely racist. I could say I knew a white guy who cheated on his wife, so be careful because he will probably marry you and cheat on you. That would also be ridiculous.

I honestly don't know why OP would even bother showing her DM a pic bearing in mind you haven't even gone on a date and you know she is racist. You knew what was going to come surely?

Ummm I didn’t say he was looking to shag around because he’s Muslim at all. I’m saying that from my experience (which is all anyone can talk from) please be careful because the Muslim guy I worked with for many years plus his brothers plus his cousins (about 8 men in total) all had arranged marriages and all used online dating sites to lie to white women and sleep with them. Of course, I could pretend to not have that knowledge or share it if you wish? I am not saying at all that all Muslim men are like that but in my personal experience all of the Muslim men that I have met have been. So I have shared my own personal opinion and word of caution. Information is power and it is now down to the OP if she uses that info or ignores. Her choice.

You don't have knowledge. You have know 8 Muslims that have acted badly, and told the OP to 'be careful' of Muslim men because the 8 that you have had any contact with have been less than honourable.

Your post was racist. Whether you wish to accept that or not.

mybeebop

Your post is very informative, not 'racist' at all. 'Muslim/Islam' is NOT a 'race'. Never has been.

To the OP - hopefully your 'date' will go really well. If it progresses to more dates for the future, be sure to ask to also meet his parents/family. Don't be surprised if his family's attitude to you is similar to your own Mother though.

Good luck - you sound like a lovely girl.

Thank you for your sensible response Cersei61.

Shame that feminist has chosen to try and derail this thread with unjust and unnecessary accusations. Yes I’ve known 8 Muslim men who have behaved badly and lied on dating sites. The same as people who have been married to “one” gambler and shared their experience. I have shared my experience and knowledge. Not all Muslim men will be the same. Not all men are gamblers etc etc. We all only share our personal experience. I have shared mine for the OP to choose how she then uses or doesn’t use that information. Not racist at all. A word of caution because in my personal experience and opinion these men were all married by arrangement and that seemed to be the expectation in that religion. Therefore it would be wise to tread with caution if dating somebody from a religion where arranged marriage could be a factor. Surely that is just a common sense and practical piece of advice.

I suggest you dial down the righteous fury as it’s completely unreasonable

OK, islamophobic then.

Actually quite ironic that on a thread condemning Ops parents for there racist views pp will post and support islamophobic views.

Sigh.

feminist....

What on earth is 'islamaphobia'?

I know what a phobia is, obviously, but what has a phobia got to do with islam?

Definition of a 'phobia' = 'an irrational or extreme fear or aversion to something'.

What has that to do with islam?

@cersei61

Stop being so obtuse.

@mybeebop

If anyone sounds furious, it's you, desperately trying to justify your post.

Sigh again and hahaha! Yep. I’m definitely furious. Sat here with my cup of earl grey and a kitkat. So so furious. Please go move on with your day

Oh no...I must point out that just because I only eat and have mentioned one type of chocolate that I fully appreciate that not everyone likes kitkats. Your own personal chocolate experience is of course, your own opinion. I personally prefer kitkats and think they are the superior snack. I wonder if that makes me Chocophobic? 🤔

Jeez 🙄

I'm not going to comment on a poster who has known exactly 1 Muslim man and 7 more by hearsay and is ringing the fucking warning bell because they're all bastards. Go sit over there with OP's mum.

OP I would say however, if you have a few dates and you think it has legs, find out his family's opinion on "marrying out". There are some families who don't have a problem at all. Some who accept it as long as you agree that any DC are raised in Islam. Some who are happy as long as you convert (not a particularly arduous process.) And some who will just never accept the idea of marrying out.

It's worth finding out this info before getting in too deep.

It's as if no white guys went on dating sites and lied about being married. And Jimmy Saville was Muslim

Racism is rife, and this thread is a prime example.