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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Totally miserable in my relationship

6 replies

flippetyfloppety · 14/06/2019 16:35

First of all I love my partner. I fancy him, he makes me laugh, I think he's a good man. But right now I am totally miserable and I don't know how to fix it. I won't ramble on but basically:

We don't have sex. Ever. Once in the last 2.5 years. He says it's because he's so stressed he just doesn't think about it. Which makes me feel incredibly desirable, as you can imagine. For a long time I wasn't interested as was so sleep deprived but now that things have settled down I want a normal relationship. Or rather, I want our relationship to have a physical side to it.
I am desperate for another baby (we have a two-year-old daugther), he is adamant he doesn't want one. That's kind of a big deal and I don't know how we get round it.
I think he's probably depressed due to work and life stresses. He is always anxious because of work. I keep my issues to myself because I don't want to burden him. But how long can this go on for?
I think we probably need to see a relationship counsellor but we can't afford it right now.
I just don't know what to do and how to fix it. We're both rubbish at communicating. I feel so low so often because of this. I don't want to leave him but I don't want to waste my life with someone who doesn't really want me.

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 14/06/2019 17:20

Can't think of any advice right now but hope someone else can help.

8FencingWire · 14/06/2019 17:34

Right. Is he watching porn, by any chance?

flippetyfloppety · 14/06/2019 17:37

Oh god I've no idea if he's watching porn! Does that stop him wanting bog standard sex?

OP posts:
dancingqueen345 · 14/06/2019 17:41

Could he be having erection issues that he's embarrassed to admit to?

Do you initiate sex and he says no?

8FencingWire · 14/06/2019 17:43

Op, yes, very much so.

TheVanguardSix · 14/06/2019 17:44

2.5 years.
That's no passing phase, OP. This is the long haul.
It is the ultimate selfish act. You sit there, letting your youth and fertile years pass by and he's ok with shelving you?
No way. That's cruel.
And yes, porn ruins everything. Search his history.

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