Marriage rocky after 3rd child.

[lorza03]

Just looking for some advice maybe from an outside opinion. Me and my husband been together 4 years , Married 6 months. We have always had a very flirty touchy feelie relationship and had lots of good times together. Since being pregnant with my 3 rd child , there was no physical contact ( I’ve tried to iniciate some contact) getting no response back , and couldn’t have sex after finding out I had a low placenta until the end of my pregnancy, when the baby was kicking in my tummy I’d point out to him but never seemed interested. Since the birth it’s been hard for both of us having 3 small children and also my husband self employed, so he is out most nights and not home to help with the kids. He says I’ve gone there is no drive in me , I am suffering from PND and am seeking help with this, just feel that my husbands mind is elsewhere and not with supporting me while looking after 3 children, I don’t really know how I feel other than confused, I just know we Hardly see each other and when we do it’s always with the children , just feel a little awkward when we’re alone after children gone to sleep, . We did have a chat last week and hoping my husband will get a vasectomy- but until then he’s clearly pointed out to me there will be no action /. Which really deflated me. I’m not sure how we are meant to get back to how we used to be or if we ever will , and that scares me as I feel there would be us if we couldn’t revive ourselves.

Was 3rd child planned and wanted by him? He sounds resentful

We always planned a 3rd but not at the time he came. Was on contraception at the time and disintegrated find out about pregnancy until 3 months in.

Apparently it’s a “thing”. Marriages go through hell after a third child.

Reading on here over the years, the third child certainly does rock the boat.

I think he's right. He doesn't want another child so until he's taken care of his own fertility he's abstaining. We always say men shouldn't be responsible if they don't want children / any more. Given the previous failure, of course he's cautious, who wouldn't be?

So he's sulking.
Contraception has two participants. He needs to take his side of the responsibility, seek whatever help he needs to come to terms with present reality, step up and be a man.

Right now, he's being a pathetic greeble.

Honestly, you need to start making plans to get back into work and be able to pay the bills yourself. A sudden personality shift like this can actually be the true personality finally coming to light, either way, personality shifts dont seem to revert and this is likely permanent. Prepare yourself. I'm sorry.

I think he's right. He doesn't want another child so until he's taken care of his own fertility he's abstaining. We always say men shouldn't be responsible if they don't want children / any more. Given the previous failure, of course, he's cautious, who wouldn't be?

I agree with this.

Does he blame you for the contraceptive failure?

Thanks all. Yes think he blames me more than himself although I was the one on contraception. I’m not sure he can come to terms with it. I’m trying my best to be understanding and patient with the situation - although can be difficult at times feel like I’m doing it all alone. Which is not what I wanted when having children. Maybe it will pass over a period of time. I do want him to take responsibility for him self re: vasectomy but I’m not when it’s going to be as he just won’t give me an idea, maybe he doesn’t really want to go through with it.