How can I tell him it's not always all about him, without causing offence.

[luciebey]

My dp gets very worked up about social events. He gets stressed, anxious and struggles to cope.

We have a funeral coming up of a very dear relative of mine and already he's getting worked up about it.

I suffer with anxiety myself and just need a few days to get myself together so I can act somewhat human throughout the day of the funeral.

I understand how much he struggles, we are quite similar,and he has had some help to deal with things like this but nothing works for him.

How can I say as nicely as possible that I need to get my head together for the funeral without having to sort him out too.

I sound like a real cow writing this, I'm really not! I just need to focus on myself for once.

I have even suggested that he doesn't need to go with me but he wants to support me.

I feel like everything has become about him and how he feels.

He’s not supporting you though is he if you are having to deal with his feelings. He needs to be a silent rock right now. If he can’t then you need to be firm and tell him he can’t come. You shouldn’t even have to be writing this. It’s your relative and your grief not his. I think you need to be quietly firm and say “thank you for the offer but I’ll go alone this time darling. Why don’t you stay and relax and be there for me when I get home”

Tell him about the ring theory. It's helped me before when people are going through hard times, as well as being assertive with having my own needs met

www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-xpm-2013-apr-07-la-oe-0407-silk-ring-theory-20130407-story.html

@ClementineSalad thanks for that link, very helpful!

@ClementineSalad I will read that link later, thank you.

@mybeebop he doesn't realise how unsupportive he's being. Once he gets invited to something he gets lost in his own world of stress and worry. He's refusing to stay at home as he thinks he will be judged by my family for not going. He obviously won't as they know he struggles with these things and the day isn't about him anyway.

I think you nee to just tell him straight up. Sounds like he needs the wake up call.

to you at a tough time