Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am i wasting my time here?

14 replies

KoalaTea · 13/06/2019 17:24

So there's this guy i've met, he's showing interest, and I really like him, but there's another woman on the scene and I can't work out whats going on between them!

Apparently they've been friends for some time, (a couple of years at least) and he's been honest and told me they've had a FWB thing going on. She's a bit older than him and lives a couple of hours away, so they dont see each other often, but we all share a hobby/interest and go to get togethers, i've liked him for a while, but been on the periphery of their social group until the last month.

She's part of the group, and in ALL his social media groups...etc, so part of the furniture and everyone really seems to like her.

I feel like I ought to hate her, but annoyingly she's actually really lovely, genuinely nice, and good company, and even I really like her! Despite new guys assurances (and hers, I asked) that they aren't together and never will be, she's quite clearly VERY into him.

They talk constantly over social media, like, all day, there's a message back and forth every few hours from what i've seen, he was looking for a picture she sent him and I could see the amount of messages they send to each other, its mad! They spend a good couple of hours talking on the phone once they start too, and they're very flirty with each other... it's honestly like they've got all the hallmarks of being a couple, without actually being one.

Should I go on their word that he's free to pursue something with me and hope she backs off... or should I just swerve this one?

Ugh, I dont know what to doooo. Help!

OP posts:
Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 13/06/2019 17:28

I think I'd be giving that one a miss.
You'll likely have a constant niggling doubt so I don't think it's worth the angst.

MMmomDD · 13/06/2019 17:32

Well - if they wanted to date each other - they would be dating 🤷🏻‍♀️
As both are free...

I think it’s more the case of not being in a relationship with anyone and wanting friendly human interaction - that people in relationship have.

Trick is to transition from that to the people they do eventually date.
Not impossible if they are cognisant of that.

If you like him and he wants to date - go for it. What’s to lose?

Aquamarine1029 · 13/06/2019 17:33

There's one too many people in this relationship, and sadly your boyfriend doesn't see it.

Josuk · 13/06/2019 17:41

OP - if he were your bf and he was spending all this time on his friendship with someone else - then yes - an issue.
But it seems that you are only just started getting to become closer and aren’t dating yet?
Correct?

So - it does seem he has a stand-in friendship with someone who he doesn’t want to date. Because if he did - they would be.

He tells you he wants to have a go at having a relationship with you?
Tell him that his close friendship feels uncomfortable for you, if you must. But - it’d be sad to let you insecurity to prevent smth that could develop from happening.

KoalaTea · 13/06/2019 17:42

ihope, thats my concern I think. they seem really close!

MM, I can see what you're saying, im kinda wondering why they're not dating, but both have laughed it off and said they wouldn't work in any kind of official couple capacity and hope each other find someone.

Aqua, not actually my boyfriend at this point, but its looking like theres a chance of it.. if I can get my head around whatever they have going on!

OP posts:
Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 13/06/2019 17:46

They may well ease off a bit if you decide to date each other but if they don't how well do you think you can handle their closeness?
If you think it's worth a gamble go for it, I just don't think most people could happily exist like that.

MMmomDD · 14/06/2019 09:36

Koala - you seem to be a bit insecure and unsure of yourself.
Is that because of some bad experiences from the past relationships???

Dominiom · 14/06/2019 11:49

Been there, done that, wore the t-shirt! In my experience, the guy i thought I was exclusively dating was all along seeing his so called friend too. Fast forward a year and now they're officially coupled up, baby in tow. He didn't want to put a label on their relationship and she quite happily played along, taking a backseat and waited it out until he would 'commit'. Don't get caught in the crossfire. I learnt a lot from that twisted relationship. If something doesn t feel right, it generally isn't.

Moralitym1n1 · 14/06/2019 11:54

Koala - you seem to be a bit insecure and unsure of yourself.
Is that because of some bad experiences from the past relationships???

Oh FFS.

This has red flag all over it. She's only being halfway sensible.

Moralitym1n1 · 14/06/2019 11:56

Let them sort out the cost, dysfunctional little situation they've got going on themselves and stay well clear.

Maybe in future they'll both be properly single/available and you could consider it.

Moralitym1n1 · 14/06/2019 11:58

If he was truly interested/excited about you he'd cut all this shit out pronto - because he's want to appear fully available and not put you off.

Moralitym1n1 · 14/06/2019 11:58
  • cosy
HarleyS · 14/06/2019 12:02

They don't want to be officially together.
But they will be unofficially together.
Once they get over whatever hang ups they have , they will be together.
They are using you as a pawn.
It seems when she's ready he'll be with her and dump you.
They must be stupid not to realise they could be messing with your head.
They know what they are doing and don't care.
Distance yourself if you can xx

Moralitym1n1 · 14/06/2019 12:04

if I can get my head around whatever they have going on

Why should you have to get your head around it; it being "complicated" from the beginning is not generally a good omen.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread