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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My partner makes no effort with my adult children

21 replies

Chloe800 · 13/06/2019 13:21

Hi all, kinda sounding off.....

Been with my partner 8 years. He has a boy from previous marriage I have a boy and two girls. All our children 30”s and not with us.

My problem is that any problems his son comes stays with us for months at a time through being drunk and losing jobs, and if any of my children need to stay with us more than 2 nights he moans, is moody and wants to know when they are going!? It’s so annoying, my children live a while away so have to stay over when visit and bring my grandchild.! He even moans if I have my grandchild over for a week in the holidays!! I love my quality time with my grandchild here one to one. My partner hardly acknowledges he is here. :0/

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 13/06/2019 13:32

Is this really how you want to spend the rest of your days?. Why is it one rule for him and another for you?.

Why and you and your partner together at all, what are you still getting out of this relationship?. I would also think your adult children wonder what on earth you are doing with this man as well.

TeeBee · 13/06/2019 13:32

I'd get rid of the 'partner' and enjoy my time with my family. Job done. He sounds like an arse.

Bluerussian · 13/06/2019 13:35

I think your husband is selfish and you need to speak to him about it, spelling it out quite plainly. He has to learn to see this issue from your point of view.

Of course it's easier and more natural dealing with our own children rather than someone else's but he knew you had kids when you got together (& now a grandchild), so should be used to them by now.

You are in the right here so do tackle it.

Good luck [flowers).

SandyY2K · 13/06/2019 13:49

Have you ever asked why it's okay for his son to come over for ages and he moans about yours doing the same?

Does he think his child is better than yours?

It isn't just him making no effort, he comes across as not liking them.

Is it his house or is it jointly owned? If it's his house, I'd personally start planning for a future without him and sorting yourself out.

If he owns the house, you could be homeless in the event he dies before you. That house will be his son's.

Life's too short.

ChuckleBuckles · 13/06/2019 13:56

I agree life is too short OP, would you think about moving closer to your family and seeing more of your GC, building a new life for yourself with this miserable man.

On another note when his son stays is that in agreement with you or is your partner making that decision and you just have to go along with it?

ChuckleBuckles · 13/06/2019 13:56

*without this miserable man (DOH!)

Gruzinkerbell1 · 13/06/2019 13:59

Get rid and enjoy your family. Life is too short.

Tooner · 13/06/2019 18:51

He sounds like a horrible man. How dare he allow his son to stay for months and complain when yours want to come and stay for a couple of days. You need to have this out with him. How come he gets to set the rules? Even if it is his house he is still being bloody horrible.

EKGEMS · 13/06/2019 19:28

Tell him to move in with his child if entertaining your family is so burdensome! What a Scrooge!

Mrskisses · 13/06/2019 19:30

Why do you tolerate this?

Vilanelle · 14/06/2019 12:09

You need to ask why he is like this, have a discussion.
I could not and would not live like this.

Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge · 14/06/2019 12:14

My dh bends over backwards for all my dc - the ones who live away he is close to and actually had dgs for a day a week for over a year. Imo he needs to be given the boot...

pumpkinpie01 · 14/06/2019 12:18

How selfish of him. How old is the GC ? I take it he does not consider himself to be their grandad then ?

CassianAndor · 14/06/2019 12:19

what conversations have you had with him over this?

ChesterDrawsDoesntExist · 14/06/2019 13:07

@Chloe800 what is his reaction when you of course point out the hypocrisy of him having his son there for months but moaning about a day or two of yours?

Is it your house, his house or jointly owned?

If it is your house, why are you allowing this?

If his, are you protected? As another pp says, you will be homeless if he passes away.

Do you have your own security net?

HollowTalk · 14/06/2019 13:12

Is this your house that he is living in? That would go along with his totally selfish behaviour.

I'd move out and live near the kids, rather than live with someone as utterly selfish as this. And I couldn't be doing with his son, either.

lunar1 · 14/06/2019 13:20

My children will have somewhere to go if they need it while ever I'm capable of providing it in life, as will any future children or spouse they may have.

I couldn't entertain a partner who would have an issue with this.

BertrandRussell · 14/06/2019 13:21

Dump him.

Rainbowknickers · 14/06/2019 13:29

We have 8 kids between us and my in laws bought us the house
I only moved in with him on the basis that ALL of them are welcome anytime (and their friends which is a whole new thread) I love having a full house-he doesn’t but we make it work
If he turned and asked when one of mine would be leaving I’d be going out of the door with them and he knows it
It’s a shared home and open to them all

Bananalanacake · 14/06/2019 15:12

how long have you been together. can't you live apart but still see each other. then he can't say anything about your dc staying whenever they want. and you don't have to put up with his lazy son.

Ragwort · 14/06/2019 15:15

Why do you put up with this? How can you respect someone who treats your children so badly.

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