How do you know difference between politeness and attraction

[deskdliemma]

How do you know? What are the signs that he fancies me rather than just enjoys my company. In an office situation Monday to Friday. Thanks

Are you actually interested in him OP or just wanting to establish what his intentions are?

It sounds like he may well be interested if he gravitates to your desk at work and has repeatedly encouraged you to go for a drink after work (albeit as part of a group)

If you are interested then you probably just need to give him a little bit of encouragement and he will make a move if he is interested

How long have you worked together? I'd think it a bit odd not to know whether or not he's single if he's a generally chatty, outgoing person. The old "Have you no wife to get home to" said with a pleasant laugh when he's arranging after work drinks etc should at least give you the answer to that.

How does he act around everyone else? If he acts the same then I'd say it's just his personality and not an attraction. I'm always wary of attraction at work, one guy I liked acted flirty with everyone to get through the his boring day, took me a while to cotton on. I thought he liked me. Bit embarrassing.

Working together for a year . He is friendly and warm to everyone but to me he hovers a lot.. in my office/ at my car/ canteen etc . He is always around when there is no need to be. Maybe he is bored . He contacts me out of work too. I'll go to the bbq and see what happens . Maybe he has just got a flirty nature as he is open and comments on my hair if I got it blow dried etc . Maybe he is charmer

In my experience men who touch you anywhere other than your forearm (back, upper arm) are almost always interested in more. There are odd exceptions but I think this is a very clear signal usually. And then he's tried to engineer social situations.

Get drunk at the BBQ and snog him. Or just... snog him :)

It could never work so I imagine this is why he has no interest in anything long term too

You say wot?

OP, please don’t lead us on. What’s the situation? Why could it never work? Are you looking for long term? What the actual...?

Having read the thread, I have zero idea what YOU want.

I did not mean to lead anyone on.
It can't work because I can't have anymore children and he would like children .

I’m so confused reading this thread!

You gave the impression (I thought) at the beginning that you wanted something to happen with him then reveal then you’ve repeatedly declined his offers which isn’t the behaviour of a woman desperate to get with a man, then keep asking if he’s interested because of x and y thing he does, say you’ll see where the bbq leads which again, imo, gives the impression you want something to happen then say it can’t happen anyway because you can’t have children!

What do you actually want?

I personally would say that it sounds like he is indeed interested and actively trying to spend time alone but if you don’t feel the same it’s really unfair to lead him on.

Maybe at the bbq you should bring up the topic of relationships?
If you want to get with him maybe put some feelers out, say how you think you are ready for a relationship, you feel lonely etc but you are worried as you’ve been told you can’t have children and worry it might put men off and see what his responses are?