Never had a good relationship

[Highandlow]

I am 29 and I have never had a healthy relationship. Looking back , I have realised 1st bf was a cheater, 2nd an abuser, 3rd and alcoholic and 4th a narcissist. All of the relationships were painful and unhappy for me.

I am currently online dating and having no luck. Also I do not even know what to look for. One guy I met told me he was better looking than me on the 1st date and I still saw him again. He then went onto other insults.

Basically I have low self esteem and I think I am going for the wrong guys. Deep down I am scared I won't meet anyone. I always think I am not good enough. Anyone got any advice ?

Online dating is brutal I would come off their first then I would set my mind to my social life. Organise dates with mates and join a few clubs especially ones that attract men but obviously it has to be something you enjoy too

Can you afford private therapy. If you spent some tine exploring why you accept bad behaviour from dates then you could make steps to change this

Stay single for now. You might want to have a relationship but you have a pattern of poor ones and men like your previous boyfriends can sniff out a vulnerable woman with low self esteem and that’s how you’ll end up with another shitty relationship.

Work on yourself. And by that I mean make your life so rich and full and fulfilling that when you do meet somebody, your criteria and benchmark are going to be so much higher - he is going to have to be somebody who adds to and makes your already fantastic life even better, rather than just anybody who seems to like you a bit because you’re desperate to have anyone and to be loved and feel validated.

So. Take up hobbies and interests. Make new friends. Do something outside of your comfort zone. Vow to say yes to anything you get invited to even if you don’t really feel like (or make invites for yourself - when I moved cities and knew nobody I joined MeetUp and challenged myself to go along once a week to the first group which sent me an email notification. I went to some very random groups and did a whole lot of new stuff and met lots of new people and had a blast.) If you don’t already keep fit or exercise regularly, start: take up running or cycling or weightlifting or boxing - particularly the latter two; you will notice your body and your confidence in yourself and your abilities change within weeks and you will feel invincible.

All of this will improve your self esteem, too. And self esteem isn’t just what you need to make good relationship choices, it’s fucking sexy! Confident women who know they’re great girlfriend material are attractive to decent men who want an equal and aren’t looking for somebody who’ll trail after them like a puppy.

"make your life so rich and full and fulfilling that when you do meet somebody, your criteria and benchmark are going to be so much higher - he is going to have to be somebody who adds to and makes your already fantastic life even better, rather than just anybody who seems to like you a bit because you’re desperate to have anyone and to be loved and feel validated."

Comtesse, I love this advice!