Doing this in the name of love...would it be crazy?! (lighthearted)

[User4701]

Had no idea what to put as title! Obviously it’s not a love situation and I’m not totally deluded.. although when you read on you might question my sanity!!

I’ve been online dating for about 2 years. I have met a lot of people who wanted to progress things with me but I’ve never been that interested. About two weeks ago I spoke to someone on the phone and it was great. I like him a lot...bearing in mind we haven’t yet met!

So here goes...he lives 220 miles from me...about a 3.5 hour drive. We must have matched when I was working in his city, which I do every couple of weeks. I stupidly said I am in his city next weekend. He then suggested cooking for me at his place, or meeting for lunch if I preferred. I don’t know why I said I would be in his city when I had no plans to be...!!!! I think I wanted to fish for an early date as I knew I was away for a few weeks after the weekend and then we wouldn’t actually be able to meet for a while. I am going away for three weeks after this weekend (holiday) and then he is away for two when I get back. So I want to meet him before I go.

It’s gojng to cost quite a bit to drive or get the train and obviously it will take up the whole day just to spend a few hours together. I’m aware we could meet and there could be absolutely nothing between us. But then I also don’t want to be messaging and building up a meeting in my head for weeks on end.

I could tell him I’m actually not in the area...Again I know it was stupid to have said this in the first place! But I know he has plans generally over the weekend so he will be unable realistically to come to me. I don’t want him to think I’m coming all that way for him either so want to maintain that I’m generally in the area.

I usually do the bare minimum to meet someone as I have little interest and whilst I would never go and see him without him also making the effort, I feel like I want to do this in this instance. Is this crazy?!

My boyfriend lived 200 miles away when we met almost 2.5 years ago. I hesitated for weeks before agreeing to meet but something compelled me to. We had no idea how it worked out but once we knew we had something we had a conversation re would either be willing to move. There was no set plan. Just a willingness.

Last month he moved in. His job means he is away Mon to Thursday but we can live with that :)

I flew to NYC for a week for a third date. Matched on Tinder with a guy from there who was in London for a week with work; went on a date thinking it would be some interesting conversation, a few drinks and maybe a ONS - and we really hit it off. Had a second date a couple of nights later and then thought, “why not?!” when he said he’d like me to come visit him back home. Booked flights, went out three weeks later.

I think the crucial thing I always point out when I tell this story is that I didn’t go thinking it was the start of a tale of “star crossed lovers, we’ll fall in love and overcome the distance”. I went with no expectations other than that I’d get to know somebody cool better, that I’d never been to NYC and it would be great to have a local guide me around, and I figured if in the unlikely event I arrived and we didn’t get on at all then, well, I’d be in one of the greatest cities in the world for a few days and would certainly have an amazing time regardless.

You want to know the ending to the story?

We didn’t fall head over heels in love. We’re not a blissfully married couple a decade later. We realised that our careers and commitments and social lives weren’t compatible with a LDR. But we had a blast together all that week and I made a new friend (yes, with benefits) in a new part of the world who I see a few times a year when he’s working in London, and I’d not take that back for anything.

I’ve never regretted booking those flights to visit somebody I’d known for a few hours. I never once thought it was “crazy” to do: I knew I’d be fine whatever the outcome. A few friends thought I was bonkers but I told them at the time - whatever happens, happens. Go on the date. By all means manage your expectations (as I did) and don’t build it up on your head to be something it isn’t or might not be. Just go. Keep an open mind. Think of it as a new person in a new city, a bit of an adventure. Whatever happens, happens.

Go ahead, but don't meet him at his place. Weird and a bit suss to suggest that as a first date.